So the last 4 weeks have been kind of a cluster, so to speak, around here. Our family vehicle started making a wonderful noise. Hubby looked at it, thought he knew what it was and so we took it in to be fixed. Alas, what we thought was wrong was NOT wrong...it was a MUCH bigger problem. A $7k+ problem. The transmission was a ticking timebomb and, in that particular vehicle, the transmission apparently can NOT be rebuilt or anything, it MUST be purchased from Ford. UGH. AND...upon further review, it is common for this type of tranny to die at the 62-65k mile mark. I guess we were lucky to make it 67k. But alas, the fix was so very pricey and, hell, the same problem would likely pop up again. So, we traded it in (yup, got some trade value for it despite the problem!) for something newer (and our mechanic suggested we do this, did NOT push the fix on us like some would!). Not brand new, but a 2011 model so about 2 years old. More room to accommodate my son's lengthening legs, among other things.
But oh if that were only the least of our worries...
Which brings me to a subject that tends to get a lot of airtime these days...bullying. We see so many stories on TV about kids who kill themselves after being bullied yet NOTHING is really being done to address or rectify the problem. I mean, I always told my kids if they acted like that I would personally kick their asses. But not all parents do that...not all parents give a damn what their kids do...not all parents teach their kids to respect others and treat others the way they wish to be treated themselves. Some parents coddle their kids and feel they can do no wrong so whatever is going on HAS to be the fault of the other person/people involved.
My 15 y/o has been the target of bullies. For years. All verbal, nothing physical aside form one incident (which happened 2 years ago, but we were just made aware of last week). It has been reported to the school. Actions taken include seating arrangements on the bus (where a majority of the bullying occurs), talking-to by administration and one boy actually did get suspended for a few days last year for one particular infraction. Unfortunately, these actions have done nothing to sway the bullies...to get them to stop tormenting my child. While we were aware of some things, my daughter did not tell us 100% of what was going on, as she was trying to deal with it herself. Unfortunately, it all built up inside her and she very nearly became the next human interest story on the 6:00 news. One evening when we were out and about getting the boys to and from football practices, she took the opportunity she had being home alone and decided to take a bunch of benadryl to end her torment. Fortunately for everyone, she began to regret what she did, got scared and called 911 herself. She spent 2 nights in the hospital and a week in a mental health hospital being evaluated and counseled. And she will continue counseling for the foreseeable future. Even though these bullies...all boys, mind you....were "only" spewing words, those words took their toll. Name calling, poking fun at, rumor spreading. Some kids can shrug it off. I know I did. But my daughter's psyche is a lot more fragile. It got to her. The fact they were lectured and some of them punished and they still did not stop got to her. The fact one of the ring leaders got suspended and it did not stop. The fact that they think she "ruined their day" (their words to her) because she gave administration their names pissed them off. Her inner pillar of strength just crumbled, as if it were blown up with a large stick of dynamite. And she felt she was done. These boys were talked to yet again yesterday, and today they STILL insisted on tormenting her. I do not have what it takes to homeschool a high school student and my daughter says, right now anyway, she would not want to switch schools because she does have friends and a support system at her current school. A lot of the problems arise on the bus, so the next thought is to remove her from the bus. But then to that I say...why should SHE have to be inconvenienced because of a bunch of boys that can't behave themselves and act normally? So MY suggestion will be take the offenders off the bus. Riding the bus is not a right, it is a privilege. I think in the near future it will be time to meet with the parents, make them aware of what is going on then kick their asses off the bus unless and until they can control themselves. And also let them know that if anything....ANYTHING AT ALL...happens to my kid (or, by extension, my house/property, as some of these kids know where we live), those boys get the FIRST look. (update: this morning, she wanted to take the bus and we let her...she said nobody said a peep to her...won't hold my breath that it will keep up though...we shall see...)
This is something that has to STOP. And not just here, but EVERYWHERE. How many more kids out there are like my child? How many more kids will actually be successful at taking their own life because some jagoff kid feels they have the right to make someone else's life miserable? How many families will go through heartache because of some else's stupid, selfish, hateful actions?
I was also bullied. Made fun of. Whatever. I was the fat girl. The white girl. Didn't have a big house or a nice car. Did not have the newest $100 sneakers or designer shoes/jeans/purse. Did have big boobs so obviously I slept with everybody. I was one of the ones who was able to shrug it off. But so many kids and teens out there just can't do it. And they snap. Whether it is taking their own lives or conducting a mass shooting spree at their school. They snap. And it is all so very much preventable!!
To all the bullies out there: People may think words do not hurt, but they DO. What the hell gives you the right to call that girl a fat ass? or call that boy a fag? Who the hell made you so important that you get to dictate who matters and who doesn't?? What the hell gives you the right to make some else's life miserable?? If you are unhappy with yourself, fix it...don't project it on others. It's not right and it's not fair. And to the parents of the bullies: raise your kid right. Teach them respect. Take responsibility for creating mature, responsible members of society. And if you find out your kid is doing something like this, take steps to correct it. Punish them. Don't coddle them. Don't make excuses for them. Don't be their friend, be their PARENT.
To all parents: make sure to keep communication open with your kids. encourage them to come to you with anything and everything. And even if you think they do, keep digging deeper. Our daughter told us everything, even the smallest most unimportant thing...but she was keeping something much bigger to herself. We never knew. Sometimes, you just won't see it. But always, always keep trying! Maybe you will be able to get them to open up. And maybe that will stop them from doing something drastic later on.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Ringless....
Just a quickie for today...
Had to finally suck it up and take my wedding rings in to be re sized. During the last couple Body Combat classes I have done, they were slipping and sliding and I was afraid they would slip right off. So, off the the jewelers they went today. Taking them from a size 9 to a size 7. And looking at my fingers, I don't see them getting any thinner so this should be a one shot deal LOL. My hand is naked tho. I have an anniversary band and that fits well on my left hand so I swapped it for the moment...but my right hand is completely naked and I have no rings that fit it. They are all too big but really not worth resizing as I hardly wear any of them. So it is odd when I go to fiddle with my ring and it is not there!
On another plus note, I may have nudged the plateau I hit, as the scale now says I am down 2 more lbs. 2 more lbs closer to my next goal. Hopefully this keeps up!
Had to finally suck it up and take my wedding rings in to be re sized. During the last couple Body Combat classes I have done, they were slipping and sliding and I was afraid they would slip right off. So, off the the jewelers they went today. Taking them from a size 9 to a size 7. And looking at my fingers, I don't see them getting any thinner so this should be a one shot deal LOL. My hand is naked tho. I have an anniversary band and that fits well on my left hand so I swapped it for the moment...but my right hand is completely naked and I have no rings that fit it. They are all too big but really not worth resizing as I hardly wear any of them. So it is odd when I go to fiddle with my ring and it is not there!
On another plus note, I may have nudged the plateau I hit, as the scale now says I am down 2 more lbs. 2 more lbs closer to my next goal. Hopefully this keeps up!
Tuesday, July 31, 2012
Summer flies right by..
Here we are, July 31. Where the heck has the summer gone? In just 6 days our freedom will be gone, as football practice for the boys starts on Monday and as such we will be out with them every weeknight until school starts. This will be Nick's last year in "house" league...A league, the end of the line...last stop before :::gasp::: high school!!!!! It brings tears to my eyes, remembering when he first started in this league 6 years ago. And a little more so because Noah plays on the same C-league team that Nick did when he started out, and this is Noah's last year in C league. So this will also end our association with that team as well. ::sniffle::: At the final game in November, I am sure i will need kleenex!! LOL But this is only July...well, practically August...and I don't want to rush it. Heck, I do not even want to think about the fact that school starts in 3 1/2 weeks! ACK!! A 4th grader, 8th grader and 10th grader. When did they all get so OLD?!?!?!?!? (not even gonna mention the 21 year old...no wonder my hair is falling out HAHAHA).
We were able to get to NC again this year. Got the kids to the beach, got to see my family that lives there...my grandmother, aunt, uncle, cousins. We always have a good time when we go visit. My niece asked if she could come with us this year, and since we had the extra room the the car I said why not. All the kids together seemed to have a good time and seemingly did not fight too much. That was VERY nice LOL. Then we spent a week in Pittsburgh, as the boys did a Pittsburgh Steelers Youth football camp. Nick did it last year and had fun, so this year I signed Noah up too. My uncle also signed up my cousin, so we got to see them as well and hang out with my uncle and aunt while the boys were at camp. We also visited Kennywood...3 times total this summer, a new record LOL. Noah was ecstatic that he hit the 52 inch mark, meaning he could ride the final forbidden rides. Which he did. A LOT. I raised a bunch of coaster freaks LOL. Coasters and thrill rides.
With football coming, it also is time to retool my evening workouts. We shall see where the boys practice and that will help determine what we do. No more Monday kickboxing or Tuesday Body Combat unless practice is rained out. Should be able to keep the Monday evening walk/jog, especially if Noah practices at the same place as last year, as there is a track around that practice field. Happily, my mornings will not change. At least until I get burnt out and need a break! I think the vacations helped the burn out a bit. So maybe taking time away here and there is actually a good thing. When you have an established routine, missing the gym time sometimes makes you feel guilty. But I have learned that breaks are necessary. The last break helped me mentally..to the point I briefly thought of adding another workout. But I said NO...body needs rest in between! I surely do not need an injury to involuntarily keep me down! I have not overcome the plateau I hit back around Memorial Day, at least on the scale. But I have determined that I need to take my wedding rings in to be resized. They are very loose and at some times of the day probably at risk of falling off. Mainly when I am sweaty LOL. But they even slide off easier now when i wash/dry my hands. drying under them so I don't get irritation...they just slide right off. my knuckle used to hold them on better. My fingers are NOT where I would like to lose more weight/volume, dear body!!!!!! Please divert the weight/fat loss to my mid-section. I know I won't ever be a 120lb size 4 beauty...but I'd still like to knock off a few more pounds anyway just for...fun...HAHA. I am probably down about 85-95lbs from my all-time highest weight from about 8+ years ago. I should be happy with that. And I am. But I would still have a long way to go to get to my 'recommended" weight. A number I do not think I will ever see. But I keep making small goals on this journey. And when I hit the goal, then i think about the next one. I can't think too far ahead, or make impossible goals. No "I want to lose 50lbs in 6 months" baloney. Mine are more like "I want to get to ___ lbs" and when i hot that, I figure out how long it took and make the next goal of ___ lbs. Not in any specific time. Just would like to get there. Eventually. It does not make hitting the plateaus less frustrating, but it makes me less likely to give up altogether because I don't have a DATE, so no pressure to "fit into that dress by Christmas" and thus no freaking out when it does not happen. At least that is what I keep telling myself!
Somewhere along the line this summer, I lost another alleged friend. Actually, I know exactly when it happened. This time with no warning or explanation. Not only the loss of a friend, but expulsion from a group of other "friends," as if I committed some mortal sin. I did, I guess...I was just being myself. Oh well. While it upset me at first, and then made me mad...now I am just like, bah...whatever! I sure have no idea why folks decide I am not worthy, but at this point, I am too tired to worry about it. I suppose I am meant to go thru life with just my family by my side. I just have several acquaintances now...no real friends, no go-to "girls night out" buddies, nobody local to just escape with. I guess if I ever fight with Rudy HE will have to be the one to leave and go stay somewhere...probably on a cot in the lab at his office LOL. (just kidding...we have never fought to the extent one of us leaves to cool down for more than an hour or 2!!! we simply do not allow it. kinda like not going to bed angry....). Anyway...I have decided I just have to be ME and if folks can't handle it, whatever. I am not frilly, not girly, don't care much for shopping, makeup, etc., love some sports, can be highly opinionated, very open minded and yes shy and somewhat introverted. I guess folks can't handle that!
Ok cutting this off now. Headache...grrr. :(
We were able to get to NC again this year. Got the kids to the beach, got to see my family that lives there...my grandmother, aunt, uncle, cousins. We always have a good time when we go visit. My niece asked if she could come with us this year, and since we had the extra room the the car I said why not. All the kids together seemed to have a good time and seemingly did not fight too much. That was VERY nice LOL. Then we spent a week in Pittsburgh, as the boys did a Pittsburgh Steelers Youth football camp. Nick did it last year and had fun, so this year I signed Noah up too. My uncle also signed up my cousin, so we got to see them as well and hang out with my uncle and aunt while the boys were at camp. We also visited Kennywood...3 times total this summer, a new record LOL. Noah was ecstatic that he hit the 52 inch mark, meaning he could ride the final forbidden rides. Which he did. A LOT. I raised a bunch of coaster freaks LOL. Coasters and thrill rides.
With football coming, it also is time to retool my evening workouts. We shall see where the boys practice and that will help determine what we do. No more Monday kickboxing or Tuesday Body Combat unless practice is rained out. Should be able to keep the Monday evening walk/jog, especially if Noah practices at the same place as last year, as there is a track around that practice field. Happily, my mornings will not change. At least until I get burnt out and need a break! I think the vacations helped the burn out a bit. So maybe taking time away here and there is actually a good thing. When you have an established routine, missing the gym time sometimes makes you feel guilty. But I have learned that breaks are necessary. The last break helped me mentally..to the point I briefly thought of adding another workout. But I said NO...body needs rest in between! I surely do not need an injury to involuntarily keep me down! I have not overcome the plateau I hit back around Memorial Day, at least on the scale. But I have determined that I need to take my wedding rings in to be resized. They are very loose and at some times of the day probably at risk of falling off. Mainly when I am sweaty LOL. But they even slide off easier now when i wash/dry my hands. drying under them so I don't get irritation...they just slide right off. my knuckle used to hold them on better. My fingers are NOT where I would like to lose more weight/volume, dear body!!!!!! Please divert the weight/fat loss to my mid-section. I know I won't ever be a 120lb size 4 beauty...but I'd still like to knock off a few more pounds anyway just for...fun...HAHA. I am probably down about 85-95lbs from my all-time highest weight from about 8+ years ago. I should be happy with that. And I am. But I would still have a long way to go to get to my 'recommended" weight. A number I do not think I will ever see. But I keep making small goals on this journey. And when I hit the goal, then i think about the next one. I can't think too far ahead, or make impossible goals. No "I want to lose 50lbs in 6 months" baloney. Mine are more like "I want to get to ___ lbs" and when i hot that, I figure out how long it took and make the next goal of ___ lbs. Not in any specific time. Just would like to get there. Eventually. It does not make hitting the plateaus less frustrating, but it makes me less likely to give up altogether because I don't have a DATE, so no pressure to "fit into that dress by Christmas" and thus no freaking out when it does not happen. At least that is what I keep telling myself!
Somewhere along the line this summer, I lost another alleged friend. Actually, I know exactly when it happened. This time with no warning or explanation. Not only the loss of a friend, but expulsion from a group of other "friends," as if I committed some mortal sin. I did, I guess...I was just being myself. Oh well. While it upset me at first, and then made me mad...now I am just like, bah...whatever! I sure have no idea why folks decide I am not worthy, but at this point, I am too tired to worry about it. I suppose I am meant to go thru life with just my family by my side. I just have several acquaintances now...no real friends, no go-to "girls night out" buddies, nobody local to just escape with. I guess if I ever fight with Rudy HE will have to be the one to leave and go stay somewhere...probably on a cot in the lab at his office LOL. (just kidding...we have never fought to the extent one of us leaves to cool down for more than an hour or 2!!! we simply do not allow it. kinda like not going to bed angry....). Anyway...I have decided I just have to be ME and if folks can't handle it, whatever. I am not frilly, not girly, don't care much for shopping, makeup, etc., love some sports, can be highly opinionated, very open minded and yes shy and somewhat introverted. I guess folks can't handle that!
Ok cutting this off now. Headache...grrr. :(
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
20 years...
Last weekend was my 20 year high school reunion. I was all like...20 years? WTH? Have I been asleep all that time? HOW could 20 years pass? But alas, it did. I found it funny the way I found out about it: hubby and I were watching an episode of "Cold Case" that revolved around a 10 year reunion. My class did not have one but hubby's did and we went and had a decent time. That made me realize my 20th was coming and he asked if I would go if they had one. I said sure, why not but I was not expecting it because there was no 10th. NO LIE, folks, not 10 minutes later as the eppy was ending I saw someone post the link to the reunion info LOL. I checked it out and figured we could go. It is only a 4 hour drive to Pittsburgh plus it was the week after my daughter's birthday so we could do something with her as a real adult. And so we did. Had a night out Friday night and a luncheon on Saturday and actually had a good time. I saw folks I had not seen since graduation day. And, truth be told, I was shocked that everyone who showed up actually remembered me! Though some did not recall I had a kid between junior and senior years. That's ok tho LOL. A lot of us commented on how so many of us looked the same. THEN...at the lunch, someone busted out the yearbooks. Our memories must have been clouded by all the hairspray we used in high school! LOL. Oh, the HAIR! I swear, our parents should have held stock in AquaNet! And things we forgot about until someone mentioned them. It was nice.
There were folks that did not come who i wish would have. A couple folks I have kept in touch with at some time in the last 20 years and it was great to see them again. The folks I have not seen or heard from in all these years? Still had a great time chatting and catching up. Meeting the hubbies. Seeing photos of the kidlets. Showing off my own, of course! Our class was only about 120-125 and of those I think I saw 25-30 folks between events. With Facebook, maybe more of us can keep in touch every so often.
There were folks that did not come who i wish would have. A couple folks I have kept in touch with at some time in the last 20 years and it was great to see them again. The folks I have not seen or heard from in all these years? Still had a great time chatting and catching up. Meeting the hubbies. Seeing photos of the kidlets. Showing off my own, of course! Our class was only about 120-125 and of those I think I saw 25-30 folks between events. With Facebook, maybe more of us can keep in touch every so often.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Burnout?
I wonder if I have found the root to my problems...my irritability, crankiness, soreness, tiredness...all of it. I think I am burnt out. I go to the gym or do some other activity all the time and I am not seeing the results I want to or think I should see. Spending 6 days a week at the gym, sometimes 2x a day, apparently was not enough right? So what do I do? add more stuff! And nothing changes. And folks say "it is OK to take a break" but in my mind, taking a break=failure. Even though I already feel like I have failed, I'd feel like a quitter on top of it. So I keep pushing. But is it really worth it? To be cranky all the time, to be so easily driven to tears over the littlest things, to be so snippy with my kids and even my husband? Why do I keep killing myself at my own expense as well as others? I added this whole running (well, walk/jog) thing in to my routine and I am SORE. I am TIRED. I don't feel I am getting any better at it. I'd like to run a 5k someday, but a 5k in 44 minutes it really stinky. Yeah it has only been 2 1/2 weeks with the running thing. I am still unsure about it. But I keep pushing it. My knees, hips, back all are screaming at me. But I am ignoring them. Why? I have NO idea. Apparently, I have issues LOL. I guess having to cart everyone here, there and everywhere all thru the winter and spring was not my main problem after all, or else I would feel better by now! Its not them, its me. Some of the time anyway!
We have a long weekend away coming up. Maybe it is coming at the right time. Then we have a week away shortly after. Again, probably coming at the right time. I won't completely take off from working out, but maybe I will take it at a more relaxed pace. I know I need to unwind, to mellow out. I am sure my family would agree. Maybe a more relaxed schedule will help out. i guess we will see....
We have a long weekend away coming up. Maybe it is coming at the right time. Then we have a week away shortly after. Again, probably coming at the right time. I won't completely take off from working out, but maybe I will take it at a more relaxed pace. I know I need to unwind, to mellow out. I am sure my family would agree. Maybe a more relaxed schedule will help out. i guess we will see....
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Catching up...
It has been a while. A long while. A busy while. Once March hit these parts, our schedule blew up with activities and kids needs to be here, there and everywhere. Crazy!!
We had our first foray into high school sports, which was very eye-opening. AJ made the JV softball team...and languished on the bench while other, less skilled players saw a bulk of the playing time. Sour grapes? Heck no. We watched girls strike out looking at perfect pitches, girls doing half-assed jobs of fielding batted balls and a head coach who barely knew her ass from third base. What we noticed? The girls whose parents had their noses up the coach's ass were the ones who saw all the playing time, regardless of skill. AJ stuck it out, she played thru injury and illness and did not let things get to her too much. She did toss around the idea of going back to house league, but she would not be challenged enough there. Next year, there will be at least 6 spots open on Varsity so hopefully she can shag one of those. That would make her happy.
Noah played baseball again, this year a combination of coach pitch and player pitch. He did well, getting most of his hits surprisingly off of the player pitching. He led the team in stolen bases (can only steal during the player pitch innings). Batted .300 after a rocky start and was patient enough for a .481 on base percentage. This was the first set of teammates in any sport that he has played so far that, for the most part, did not take advantage of him and the fact he can be provoked very easily. He did not mind going to practice because he had fun. Noah can break down very easily, and I think I figured out that he gets that from me. Ack!! He still has his moments but this group of boys did not take advantage of that just to see him cry. I appreciated that so much!!
Nick gave up baseball 2 years ago, but this year he took on the job of umpiring. He got paid for it, which thrilled him to no end of course! He also was invited to play on an AAU Basketball team by his coach from winter house league. A WAY more physical, competitive league of basketball. But he was up for the challenge and did well. he did not get as much playing time as he would have liked, but that happens in more competitive leagues where playing time is not determined by rules but by needs. He made the most of his time on the court and said he would do it again if given the opportunity. We'll see if it ever comes up again!
Now...we are FREE. Until the 1st week of August. No pressing engagements. We have a couple road trips planned. That is about it. Once August 6th gets here, our free time is toast cuz that is when football starts and that is practice 5 nights a week until school starts. This will be Nick's last year in house league ::sniffle::: But lets not rush it!! :)
Personally, it has been up and down for me. I know I posted before about my gym schedule and my attempts to lose some weight. Its been a ride. I have not lost as much as I had hoped or as much as I figured I should have given my workouts and eating habits. That is discouraging. I have lost about 11lbs since Valentine's day (about 17 weeks or so), and have gone down 1 more size. I have not been a size 16 since...sheesh...I really can not tell you when. Middle school?? Maybe Freshman year??? That is great, I know, but also a workout on the wallet LOL. At least with shorts and pants, if I have a belt I can wear them longer. But with tops...I sure can't wear them if I am falling out of them! Great but sad, especially when i had to ditch some tops I was quite fond of. But part of me still feels that I have been a failure since all of my free time is spent at the gym and I am, for the most part, watching what I am eating. I mean sure, we have cheat days...all the so-called experts day you should do that, or at the very least do not deny your cravings all the time. And usually cheat days occur on a day with a heavier workout load anyway. The scale shows change, my clothes show change...but *I* am having the problem, When I look in the mirror, I see the same girl who was staring back at me 80+lbs ago. My eyes see no change. It kinda gives me a new glimpse and understanding on how anorexics and bulimics see themselves as still fat even when their bones are showing. Folks tell me they see changes, that I look good, but I get to be at a loss for words because *I* do not see it. At all. I still see the same person I have been looking at for years and years. And so my next step is to figure out how to change that. Where to begin, I have NO idea.
I have started on a new adventure of sorts...attempting to work up to running a 5k. I tried the Couch to 5k program in the past, but got to week 7 and quit because I could not run 25 minutes in a row. So I did more reading and started up again, this time with a self-made program. 5k is about 3.1 miles, and I have been walk/jogging that in 42-45 minutes. (just hit my personal best of 42:40 this week). 5 minutes warm up, then 3 minutes of running/2 minutes of walking until I hit those 3.1 miles. All of this on a treadmill, so I can control my speed and such. yesterday, I made my first attempt to do this outside while Nick was in karate class, lapping the building where the karate studio is and the one behind it about 7 times. I had been told 1 lap was about 1/2 mile but I mapped it after we got home last night and its only about .4 miles. So I only did about 2.8 miles in 39 minutes. not quite 3 miles. but the whole outside thing? Different! My body hurts from the impact, my throat hurt for hours from the breathing. But I will try it again. Eventually. LOL. Finding time to "run", in addition to the time I already spend at the gym...that can prove to be a challenge. But I am trying!
I don't have many friends. I am not sure why that it, but that has been the case for my entire life. I have survived. Recently, I had someone who was a friend basically dump me, claiming I was too negative. Well...gee...if I can't vent to friends about stuff, who CAN I vent to? And seriously, I don't do it a lot. And I have not said much about most things that make me sad or mad or upset. Most of the time I feel any issues I have pale in comparison to what some others are going through, so I keep my mouth shut. But I saw where folks who were friends having fun and get-togethers and leaving me out in the cold. It made me sad. I commented on it. And it got me dumped. Any close friend that I have had in my life has pretty much dumped on me, from childhood all the way up till now. I always imagined there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Too fat, too white, too ugly, too stupid, too smart...who knows. Maybe I am just better suited to keep to myself. I have 4 kids who are older than the kids most folks my age have. I have a husband who I like to spend time with, not necessarily escape from. I like to watch football and baseball and really don;t adore shopping. I have decided that I guess I need to just be happy with that and not try and be somebody I am not. Here I am, take me or leave me. Any takers?? LOL
My oldest turned 21 today. It seems like this time has flown right on by. I can't believe my daughter is old enough to go out drinking with me!! My 20th HS reunion is next weekend and shoot, she could come out to happy hour with us LOL. Scary thought! These kids, they grow up wayyyyyy too fast. WAY too fast.
We had our first foray into high school sports, which was very eye-opening. AJ made the JV softball team...and languished on the bench while other, less skilled players saw a bulk of the playing time. Sour grapes? Heck no. We watched girls strike out looking at perfect pitches, girls doing half-assed jobs of fielding batted balls and a head coach who barely knew her ass from third base. What we noticed? The girls whose parents had their noses up the coach's ass were the ones who saw all the playing time, regardless of skill. AJ stuck it out, she played thru injury and illness and did not let things get to her too much. She did toss around the idea of going back to house league, but she would not be challenged enough there. Next year, there will be at least 6 spots open on Varsity so hopefully she can shag one of those. That would make her happy.
Noah played baseball again, this year a combination of coach pitch and player pitch. He did well, getting most of his hits surprisingly off of the player pitching. He led the team in stolen bases (can only steal during the player pitch innings). Batted .300 after a rocky start and was patient enough for a .481 on base percentage. This was the first set of teammates in any sport that he has played so far that, for the most part, did not take advantage of him and the fact he can be provoked very easily. He did not mind going to practice because he had fun. Noah can break down very easily, and I think I figured out that he gets that from me. Ack!! He still has his moments but this group of boys did not take advantage of that just to see him cry. I appreciated that so much!!
Nick gave up baseball 2 years ago, but this year he took on the job of umpiring. He got paid for it, which thrilled him to no end of course! He also was invited to play on an AAU Basketball team by his coach from winter house league. A WAY more physical, competitive league of basketball. But he was up for the challenge and did well. he did not get as much playing time as he would have liked, but that happens in more competitive leagues where playing time is not determined by rules but by needs. He made the most of his time on the court and said he would do it again if given the opportunity. We'll see if it ever comes up again!
Now...we are FREE. Until the 1st week of August. No pressing engagements. We have a couple road trips planned. That is about it. Once August 6th gets here, our free time is toast cuz that is when football starts and that is practice 5 nights a week until school starts. This will be Nick's last year in house league ::sniffle::: But lets not rush it!! :)
Personally, it has been up and down for me. I know I posted before about my gym schedule and my attempts to lose some weight. Its been a ride. I have not lost as much as I had hoped or as much as I figured I should have given my workouts and eating habits. That is discouraging. I have lost about 11lbs since Valentine's day (about 17 weeks or so), and have gone down 1 more size. I have not been a size 16 since...sheesh...I really can not tell you when. Middle school?? Maybe Freshman year??? That is great, I know, but also a workout on the wallet LOL. At least with shorts and pants, if I have a belt I can wear them longer. But with tops...I sure can't wear them if I am falling out of them! Great but sad, especially when i had to ditch some tops I was quite fond of. But part of me still feels that I have been a failure since all of my free time is spent at the gym and I am, for the most part, watching what I am eating. I mean sure, we have cheat days...all the so-called experts day you should do that, or at the very least do not deny your cravings all the time. And usually cheat days occur on a day with a heavier workout load anyway. The scale shows change, my clothes show change...but *I* am having the problem, When I look in the mirror, I see the same girl who was staring back at me 80+lbs ago. My eyes see no change. It kinda gives me a new glimpse and understanding on how anorexics and bulimics see themselves as still fat even when their bones are showing. Folks tell me they see changes, that I look good, but I get to be at a loss for words because *I* do not see it. At all. I still see the same person I have been looking at for years and years. And so my next step is to figure out how to change that. Where to begin, I have NO idea.
I have started on a new adventure of sorts...attempting to work up to running a 5k. I tried the Couch to 5k program in the past, but got to week 7 and quit because I could not run 25 minutes in a row. So I did more reading and started up again, this time with a self-made program. 5k is about 3.1 miles, and I have been walk/jogging that in 42-45 minutes. (just hit my personal best of 42:40 this week). 5 minutes warm up, then 3 minutes of running/2 minutes of walking until I hit those 3.1 miles. All of this on a treadmill, so I can control my speed and such. yesterday, I made my first attempt to do this outside while Nick was in karate class, lapping the building where the karate studio is and the one behind it about 7 times. I had been told 1 lap was about 1/2 mile but I mapped it after we got home last night and its only about .4 miles. So I only did about 2.8 miles in 39 minutes. not quite 3 miles. but the whole outside thing? Different! My body hurts from the impact, my throat hurt for hours from the breathing. But I will try it again. Eventually. LOL. Finding time to "run", in addition to the time I already spend at the gym...that can prove to be a challenge. But I am trying!
I don't have many friends. I am not sure why that it, but that has been the case for my entire life. I have survived. Recently, I had someone who was a friend basically dump me, claiming I was too negative. Well...gee...if I can't vent to friends about stuff, who CAN I vent to? And seriously, I don't do it a lot. And I have not said much about most things that make me sad or mad or upset. Most of the time I feel any issues I have pale in comparison to what some others are going through, so I keep my mouth shut. But I saw where folks who were friends having fun and get-togethers and leaving me out in the cold. It made me sad. I commented on it. And it got me dumped. Any close friend that I have had in my life has pretty much dumped on me, from childhood all the way up till now. I always imagined there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Too fat, too white, too ugly, too stupid, too smart...who knows. Maybe I am just better suited to keep to myself. I have 4 kids who are older than the kids most folks my age have. I have a husband who I like to spend time with, not necessarily escape from. I like to watch football and baseball and really don;t adore shopping. I have decided that I guess I need to just be happy with that and not try and be somebody I am not. Here I am, take me or leave me. Any takers?? LOL
My oldest turned 21 today. It seems like this time has flown right on by. I can't believe my daughter is old enough to go out drinking with me!! My 20th HS reunion is next weekend and shoot, she could come out to happy hour with us LOL. Scary thought! These kids, they grow up wayyyyyy too fast. WAY too fast.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
More family stuff...
I am sure everyone had that ONE family member...or 2 or 3 lol...who really just PISSES you off. I imagine it comes with the "family" territory.
My aunt is one of those people. She is driving my family batty! She is married to my dad's brother, and unfortunately several years back he had a pretty bad stroke so she has been his caretaker. Stressful, even though he really recovered better than anyone expected. He is mobile, mentally coherent, etc. But his wife takes control over EVERYTHING. My uncle has power of attorney over my grandmother, and as such his wife thinks SHE can make all the decisions. And of course he goes along with it.
Sp the time came back in October that my grandmother had to be put into a nursing home. She is 98, btw. Before that, my oldest daughter and my mom had been doing the bulk of the caretaking...being with her, helping her out, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. My grandmother is stubborn and did insist on doing stuff on her own, and my mom (yep, my mom...who has been divorced from my dad for 18 years...takes care of her former MIL because she WANTED to,,my dad does as little as possible. Go figure) and daughter let her do so within reason. She would mop the floor (by sitting on a chair and scooching around the small kitchen LOL), she had been known to make her way down to the basement to do laundry (my dad installed railings to the upstairs and basement so that there was a rail on each side of the stairs.), she still liked to cook (we had bought her a crockpot...no fuss meals easy!). But she is 98, and became more and more limited. And my aunt took over everything...especially the money. Told my grandmother she could not have her hair done, it was too expensive. Told her she needed to stop buying certain groceries (basically, the goodies for the kids that she kept at the house for visits). Would come by at the beginning of the month and give my grandmother her "allowance." made my mom and Jenna account for every penny. Even if my grandmother told them keep the change, they couldn't. It was frustrating, but nothing could be done. Everyone grinned and bore it. (my famous quote: she can't take the money with her when she dies. God don't take checks. Let the woman buy a box of cookies!!!!!). Then my grandmother had an episode and it was decided she could no longer live in the home she has lived in for 60+ years.
My grandmother will be 99 next month. She has been cooped up in the nursing home for months. We wanted to take her out for a birthday dinner. We had done so in the past, never really ON her birthday, but usually the weekend afterwards so that we could make the drive up there and be part of it. She loves Olive Garden. Its about 5 minutes from the home. Sounded great! UNTIL...my aunt decided its not a good idea. Oh the work involved...have to have her cane and take the wheelchair too in case she gets tired. What if she has to go to the bathroom. What if she gets tired walking. Blah blah. Ok look, we KNOW whats involved. Nobody asked HER to do anything, yet she is acting as if we are asking her to go build the freaking ark! My daughter talked to her and was treated rather rudely. My aunt even asked "do you want to for this for her or for you" and made comments such as "well its not like you have a tradition with her" and "we have spent every birthday and Mother's Day with her for the last 20 years." It has been TRADITION that I drive up with my family every year around March 15th to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. Whether we go to Olive Garden or KFC (another of her faves) or even just have lunch at her house, we do SOMETHING. THAT is tradition, is it not? My aunt suggested just bringing stuff to the home. Jenna said she's have to talk to her family about it. My aunt was all like "we are all family." Um, huh? If we are all family, why are you treating the rest of us like pariahs? My mom treks out to the home every week for Bingo with my grandmother...my brother goes out at least once a week...Jenna too. We would if we lived closer. Them? Once a month if lucky. Decisions? All made unilaterally by my aunt, with no care for what anyone else may have to say. If that is the definition of family, man we have all been overachieving. Because if we were all family, then maybe you would not be acting like the queen bitch!
We have no choice but to accept the fact we are not "allowed" to take my grandmother out. We gotta take food to the home. Well, that is the plan for now. I am waiting for "oh you guys can have whatever you want but Nunny has to have what we tell her she can." Or some other excuse that we can't do something special for her at all. Because we have no tradition. The woman is going to be 99, I think she deserves a plate of pasta and a bowl of soup and salad! and CAKE! and maybe a walk OUTSIDE with some fresh air. It is not a lot to ask!!
When my grandmother passes, that funeral is gonna ignite one huge fireball. Its gonna be a mess. There are still some hard feelings lingering from way back when Nunny's sister passed and my uncle tried to take over things, even though her daughter was perfectly capable of handling things. He tried to move in and make decisions he had no right to make. I guess this time, he has the paperwork behind him. His wife makes the decision and he just OKs everything she says. I do NOT understand how 2 loving, caring folks like my grandparents gave birth to 2 of the most hardheaded, selfish idiots to walk the face of the earth.
Family. Can't live with em, can't kick their asses!!
My aunt is one of those people. She is driving my family batty! She is married to my dad's brother, and unfortunately several years back he had a pretty bad stroke so she has been his caretaker. Stressful, even though he really recovered better than anyone expected. He is mobile, mentally coherent, etc. But his wife takes control over EVERYTHING. My uncle has power of attorney over my grandmother, and as such his wife thinks SHE can make all the decisions. And of course he goes along with it.
Sp the time came back in October that my grandmother had to be put into a nursing home. She is 98, btw. Before that, my oldest daughter and my mom had been doing the bulk of the caretaking...being with her, helping her out, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. My grandmother is stubborn and did insist on doing stuff on her own, and my mom (yep, my mom...who has been divorced from my dad for 18 years...takes care of her former MIL because she WANTED to,,my dad does as little as possible. Go figure) and daughter let her do so within reason. She would mop the floor (by sitting on a chair and scooching around the small kitchen LOL), she had been known to make her way down to the basement to do laundry (my dad installed railings to the upstairs and basement so that there was a rail on each side of the stairs.), she still liked to cook (we had bought her a crockpot...no fuss meals easy!). But she is 98, and became more and more limited. And my aunt took over everything...especially the money. Told my grandmother she could not have her hair done, it was too expensive. Told her she needed to stop buying certain groceries (basically, the goodies for the kids that she kept at the house for visits). Would come by at the beginning of the month and give my grandmother her "allowance." made my mom and Jenna account for every penny. Even if my grandmother told them keep the change, they couldn't. It was frustrating, but nothing could be done. Everyone grinned and bore it. (my famous quote: she can't take the money with her when she dies. God don't take checks. Let the woman buy a box of cookies!!!!!). Then my grandmother had an episode and it was decided she could no longer live in the home she has lived in for 60+ years.
My grandmother will be 99 next month. She has been cooped up in the nursing home for months. We wanted to take her out for a birthday dinner. We had done so in the past, never really ON her birthday, but usually the weekend afterwards so that we could make the drive up there and be part of it. She loves Olive Garden. Its about 5 minutes from the home. Sounded great! UNTIL...my aunt decided its not a good idea. Oh the work involved...have to have her cane and take the wheelchair too in case she gets tired. What if she has to go to the bathroom. What if she gets tired walking. Blah blah. Ok look, we KNOW whats involved. Nobody asked HER to do anything, yet she is acting as if we are asking her to go build the freaking ark! My daughter talked to her and was treated rather rudely. My aunt even asked "do you want to for this for her or for you" and made comments such as "well its not like you have a tradition with her" and "we have spent every birthday and Mother's Day with her for the last 20 years." It has been TRADITION that I drive up with my family every year around March 15th to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. Whether we go to Olive Garden or KFC (another of her faves) or even just have lunch at her house, we do SOMETHING. THAT is tradition, is it not? My aunt suggested just bringing stuff to the home. Jenna said she's have to talk to her family about it. My aunt was all like "we are all family." Um, huh? If we are all family, why are you treating the rest of us like pariahs? My mom treks out to the home every week for Bingo with my grandmother...my brother goes out at least once a week...Jenna too. We would if we lived closer. Them? Once a month if lucky. Decisions? All made unilaterally by my aunt, with no care for what anyone else may have to say. If that is the definition of family, man we have all been overachieving. Because if we were all family, then maybe you would not be acting like the queen bitch!
We have no choice but to accept the fact we are not "allowed" to take my grandmother out. We gotta take food to the home. Well, that is the plan for now. I am waiting for "oh you guys can have whatever you want but Nunny has to have what we tell her she can." Or some other excuse that we can't do something special for her at all. Because we have no tradition. The woman is going to be 99, I think she deserves a plate of pasta and a bowl of soup and salad! and CAKE! and maybe a walk OUTSIDE with some fresh air. It is not a lot to ask!!
When my grandmother passes, that funeral is gonna ignite one huge fireball. Its gonna be a mess. There are still some hard feelings lingering from way back when Nunny's sister passed and my uncle tried to take over things, even though her daughter was perfectly capable of handling things. He tried to move in and make decisions he had no right to make. I guess this time, he has the paperwork behind him. His wife makes the decision and he just OKs everything she says. I do NOT understand how 2 loving, caring folks like my grandparents gave birth to 2 of the most hardheaded, selfish idiots to walk the face of the earth.
Family. Can't live with em, can't kick their asses!!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Religion and family...
Right up front, I am gonna say it...we are not religious folks. Oh the horror! But yup, its true. Has been for a while. Both hubby and I were raised Catholic. That might just explain it all LOL. I was never super involved with the Church. Rudy was as a teenager. As we grew up and reached the age of reason, we both starting thinking for ourselves. It was one of the many things we had in common when we met. Over the years, the Catholic guilt still poked at us...even though we had a perfectly acceptable wedding my in in-laws backyard, we caved to pressure and had a Church wedding as well a year and a half later. All 4 kids are baptized. We sent 3 of our kids to CCD. Jenna got her communion and was confirmed, AJ and Nick have both had communion. Noah, however, has never had any inkling of religious education because by the time he was old enough, we finally shed the Catholic guilt. Most of it anyway. While my mom has finally let up, and no longer hounds us about going to church and such, my MIL still does. It all came up again this week when she was trying to get Rudy go enroll Noah in CCD this coming fall because, of course, he is "behind." Aside from the fact that the church we would go to charges a lot of money to enroll in CCD classes (which, look, I would not mind paying $10 for the book, but come on...why do I need to pay the church $150 to teach my kids about their faith? And there is NO homeschooling in religious ed, unless you already homeschool for regular school...and even then, its on a case by case basis.), we have had several conversations with my MIL about why we no longer relate with the Catholic faith, the main one being we do have minds and beliefs of our own and our ideas do not jibe with the Catholic church's teachings. For instance, we believe in gay marriage, we believe women should be given equal opportunities (ie, women should be priests, girls should be altar servers, etc), we believe in birth control, yada yada yada. Of course for all that we are going to hell LOL. (we never told MIL when Rudy got snipped, because he did not want to hear any lectures on THAT. lol) Instead of respecting our decision, my MIL continually hounds Rudy (not me so much, because I rarely speak with her...not because I don't want to, but because when seh calls him, its usually when he is at work and so I am not around at those times.). Whether its about religious ed for the kids, going to church or reading/watching daily videos on YouTube (not sure exactly all she checks out, but it mostly relates to Fatima and Mary, etc.). Just when we think she has stopped, she brings it up again. It is enough to make me scream STOP IT ALREADY!!!!!!! But I don't. Neither does Rudy. He just says he does not want to discuss it. My FIL seems to respect our choices, for which I am thankful...no double-teaming there. And while my own mom is not particularly happy, she also respects it. She's be happy if we went to ANY church, not necessarily a Catholic one. My MIL would most likely have a fit if we did such a thing. But I can not walk into a church and proclaim to believe the things they teach when i don't. Now, my mom has about 95% the same thoughts and beliefs as I do, yet she still goes to church and professes her faith. Great, if she can reconcile that with her own conscience. Even better that she does not hound us anymore. maybe because she understands finally why we think the way we do. And I surely do not want to alienate my MIL, nor does Rudy...so we do keep our mouths shut for the most part. But UGH it gets annoying! I should NOT have to defend myself or my beliefs to anyone. Don't judge me! lol.
Ever see the movie "Dogma?" It was so on point for us!! But my MIL would faint and curse it to hell, I am sure of it!!
Ever see the movie "Dogma?" It was so on point for us!! But my MIL would faint and curse it to hell, I am sure of it!!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Emotions
As I was reading a blog and shedding a tear for an online acquaintance's loss, I recalled when I was younger my mom accused me of having no emotions. Even worse, of being like my father! (That's pretty much a huge insult to me...seriously.). Now, yeah, we do tease me mom because she will cry at the drop of a hat. But to think she expects everyone else to do the same...silly! Yes, of course, I have emotions. No, I do not always show them. In fact, a majority of the time I do keep them internalized. Why? Because I do get upset or emotional at small things, and I just don't need to advertise it. Maybe something I get emotional about would seem silly to someone else. And in my many, many years of low self esteem and of trying to be sure people like, or at least tolerate, me, I did not want to show "weakness." But you know, why would showing emotions be considered weak? Maybe I don't wanna be the crazy lazy who cries at the drop of a hat LOL. Then again, I do find myself getting emotional or teary-eyes at the littlest things. At Nick's last football game in November, I was thinking about how just a short year from then, Nick would be playing not only in his final A league game, but in his final house/"pee wee" league game period before moving on to possibly playing high school ball. Not only that, but also how at the same time next year Noah would be playing his final C league game, thus ending an affiliation we have had with that particular team (Nick played on that team in C league too) for 6 of the last 7 years. I did shed a tear or 2 last year when Jenna graduated from pastry school and was also recognized for doing so with a 4.0 GPA. I found myself tearing up the other night while reading a book...something I can't recall doing before LOL. I have cried myself to sleep over things as well. Being sure, of course, that nobody can see so that I do not have to explain myself. No explanations means nobody can tell me how silly I am. I do the same thing when I am mad...I stew to myself so I do not have to explain myself. I am sure some of the stuff I get annoyed or ticked about most folks would find silly or they might think I was a tad irrational. I am thankful I have a couple hours to myself on most days. I can be alone and let it all out. Then, I can face the world with my happy face. I gotta be around kids, I sure don't want to be cranky!
Just because someone can't or won't show emotions in front of people does not mean they do not have feelings. Maybe their feelings are more fragile than you might think.
Just because someone can't or won't show emotions in front of people does not mean they do not have feelings. Maybe their feelings are more fragile than you might think.
Friday, January 27, 2012
More BS+small updates
So, Nick comes home from basketball practice last night and says he heard some kids got in trouble at school for bringing/having pot brownies. He heard up to 20 kids got busted and were going to be suspended. What a bunch of boneheads right? Nick said he would talk to his locker neighbor, as it seems his sister may have been involved in the incident.
So later in the evening we get a recorded message in the phone from the principal saying "
So later in the evening we get a recorded message in the phone from the principal saying "
Thursday, January 26, 2012
0 common sense....
There are times when I wish i was able to homeschool my kids just so I did not have to put up with stupid school bullshit. This is one of those times.
AJ must go to "Friday School" next week. Basically detention, but on a Friday. When it goes till 6pm and there is no way for the kid to get home unless the parents rearrange their schedules to go pick them up. Seems like more of a punishment for the parents! But I digress. Why is she serving Friday school? Because she answered her cell phone. Now YES...she should not have answered it. It was not quite end of the school day, maybe 5 minutes before. It was my older daughter, who was going to visit old teachers at the school and as such, was going to drive AJ home and she was calling to find out where she was. Ok, Jenna should know better too! But anyway...according to AJ, she went to hang up right away and she was told that she was going to be referred to admin and suffer whatever consequences admin thought was appropriate. According to her teacher, AJ did not hang up right away and give her a "1 sec" sign with her hand before hanging up and then she gave AJ a choice...let the teacher keep the phone overnight and that would be the end of it or go to admin and deal with it. AJ was not about to leave her phone for the evening so she went to admin., figuring the way she understood it the punishment was the same for both choices. Now, sure, I understand there is "policy" but in an area such as this where "policy" is tinkered with by individual teachers to suit their needs. This teacher said to me she condones texting during class. Ok...so...how are you going to condone one use of a phone but not another, and the cite "policy" as to her punishment? Either phones are OK or they are not, there should be no middle ground. If you choose to relax the rules, then come sommon sense should be used. AJ is not a troublemaker, this was a first offense. What happened to warnings, whether verbal or written? a phone call home? a meeting with the admin? why fly right to a punishment? Especially when this "policy" is altered by individual teachers, and another student in the same situation, or a "worse" one, may not face the same punishment depending on how a teacher handles it.
I have my own theories, and it all goes back to an incident we had with Jenna when she went to that school. Someone told admin Jenna had pot on her, so the "policy" of course is to search her bags, locker, etc. No put of course, but she did happen to have some Tylenol on her. DING DING DING DING here is a druggie!!!!! She got suspended for 10 days and then had to do 30 days at the "alternative school." 40 days out of school. For TYLENOL. all because of a no common-sense zero tolerance policy. Zero tolerance=zero common sense. ESPECIALLY when Jenna had a friend who showed up to school DRUNK and her only punishment was a referral to the 3-day drug and alcohol program. No suspension, no "alternative school." And being drunk at 15 is ILLEGAL. Tylenol is a LEGAL substance. Where is the sense there? My theory being AJ has been "tagged" as the sibling of a "troublemaker." MIND YOU, Jenna got in trouble this ONE time. Such a pest huh? Why this theory? Because when AJ started middle school, she was immediately recommended for the drug and alcohol guidance program at that school. Gee, why would she be pegged for that? @@ As a result of Jenna's experience, she became down on school and graduated 1 credit shy of an advanced diploma because depoite the reassurances that Jenna's work would be sent to the alternative school, despite the pledges that her education was important, she could not complete any work for her American Sign Language 3 class because its all signing that has to be done IN CLASS. Miss 40 days, you're gonna fail. They made her drop the class. Sure she would have taken it the following year, but the experience soured her so much she said "why bother" and just basically chose the minimal amount of work to get her a diploma. Not to mention that not all the work she did got from the alternative school back to her home school. Those idiots did not give a crap. She got good grades, had good attendance and was never a problem for any teacher she had. She made one mistake by not cleaning out her bag after a weekend trip to see my mom, and her education got screwed up. Once she graduated and got into her pastry school program, she was finally happy again. Graduated with a 4.0 form that program. She never blamed the teachers (who were none to happy she was being treated that way), she blamed the administration for not using common sense and realizing they have the power to be reasonable. Everyone hides behind the "its policy" mantra, and nobody uses their brains. AJ's school counselor thinks Friday school for this first offense is ridiculous too, but he has no day in anything. Its a teacher's word against AJ's, and the teacher feels disrespected so lets make an example of someone. No matter how it really may have went down. Kids lie all the time right??
Meanwhile, AJ has been the subject of a few school bullies. One did get suspended for a few days, but basically, the school has done nothing to make these kids leave AJ alone. I sure haven't been brought into any meetings, nor have the other parents. Just phone calls. And the kids keep doing it. It's all verbal, nothing physical. SO AJ can put her mp3 player on and ignore most of it. (most of it happens on the bus). But if AJ were to turn around and kick one of these boys in the nuts, SHE would be punished, not them! Where the hell is the justice in that?? Meanwhile, these kids get to keep riding the bus, the main area for their abuse, and suffer no consequences. (The suspension? One of the kids took a drawing AJ did and littered it wiht inappropriate drawings and words. The suspension was for that inappropriateness, not for any bullying or anything like that.) It is so nice the school is looking out for my kid! ALl they freaking care about is test scores and hell with everything else.
While I do not want to rush my kids growing up, I really can't wait till Noah graduates and we are done with this school crap. 9 more years to go....
AJ must go to "Friday School" next week. Basically detention, but on a Friday. When it goes till 6pm and there is no way for the kid to get home unless the parents rearrange their schedules to go pick them up. Seems like more of a punishment for the parents! But I digress. Why is she serving Friday school? Because she answered her cell phone. Now YES...she should not have answered it. It was not quite end of the school day, maybe 5 minutes before. It was my older daughter, who was going to visit old teachers at the school and as such, was going to drive AJ home and she was calling to find out where she was. Ok, Jenna should know better too! But anyway...according to AJ, she went to hang up right away and she was told that she was going to be referred to admin and suffer whatever consequences admin thought was appropriate. According to her teacher, AJ did not hang up right away and give her a "1 sec" sign with her hand before hanging up and then she gave AJ a choice...let the teacher keep the phone overnight and that would be the end of it or go to admin and deal with it. AJ was not about to leave her phone for the evening so she went to admin., figuring the way she understood it the punishment was the same for both choices. Now, sure, I understand there is "policy" but in an area such as this where "policy" is tinkered with by individual teachers to suit their needs. This teacher said to me she condones texting during class. Ok...so...how are you going to condone one use of a phone but not another, and the cite "policy" as to her punishment? Either phones are OK or they are not, there should be no middle ground. If you choose to relax the rules, then come sommon sense should be used. AJ is not a troublemaker, this was a first offense. What happened to warnings, whether verbal or written? a phone call home? a meeting with the admin? why fly right to a punishment? Especially when this "policy" is altered by individual teachers, and another student in the same situation, or a "worse" one, may not face the same punishment depending on how a teacher handles it.
I have my own theories, and it all goes back to an incident we had with Jenna when she went to that school. Someone told admin Jenna had pot on her, so the "policy" of course is to search her bags, locker, etc. No put of course, but she did happen to have some Tylenol on her. DING DING DING DING here is a druggie!!!!! She got suspended for 10 days and then had to do 30 days at the "alternative school." 40 days out of school. For TYLENOL. all because of a no common-sense zero tolerance policy. Zero tolerance=zero common sense. ESPECIALLY when Jenna had a friend who showed up to school DRUNK and her only punishment was a referral to the 3-day drug and alcohol program. No suspension, no "alternative school." And being drunk at 15 is ILLEGAL. Tylenol is a LEGAL substance. Where is the sense there? My theory being AJ has been "tagged" as the sibling of a "troublemaker." MIND YOU, Jenna got in trouble this ONE time. Such a pest huh? Why this theory? Because when AJ started middle school, she was immediately recommended for the drug and alcohol guidance program at that school. Gee, why would she be pegged for that? @@ As a result of Jenna's experience, she became down on school and graduated 1 credit shy of an advanced diploma because depoite the reassurances that Jenna's work would be sent to the alternative school, despite the pledges that her education was important, she could not complete any work for her American Sign Language 3 class because its all signing that has to be done IN CLASS. Miss 40 days, you're gonna fail. They made her drop the class. Sure she would have taken it the following year, but the experience soured her so much she said "why bother" and just basically chose the minimal amount of work to get her a diploma. Not to mention that not all the work she did got from the alternative school back to her home school. Those idiots did not give a crap. She got good grades, had good attendance and was never a problem for any teacher she had. She made one mistake by not cleaning out her bag after a weekend trip to see my mom, and her education got screwed up. Once she graduated and got into her pastry school program, she was finally happy again. Graduated with a 4.0 form that program. She never blamed the teachers (who were none to happy she was being treated that way), she blamed the administration for not using common sense and realizing they have the power to be reasonable. Everyone hides behind the "its policy" mantra, and nobody uses their brains. AJ's school counselor thinks Friday school for this first offense is ridiculous too, but he has no day in anything. Its a teacher's word against AJ's, and the teacher feels disrespected so lets make an example of someone. No matter how it really may have went down. Kids lie all the time right??
Meanwhile, AJ has been the subject of a few school bullies. One did get suspended for a few days, but basically, the school has done nothing to make these kids leave AJ alone. I sure haven't been brought into any meetings, nor have the other parents. Just phone calls. And the kids keep doing it. It's all verbal, nothing physical. SO AJ can put her mp3 player on and ignore most of it. (most of it happens on the bus). But if AJ were to turn around and kick one of these boys in the nuts, SHE would be punished, not them! Where the hell is the justice in that?? Meanwhile, these kids get to keep riding the bus, the main area for their abuse, and suffer no consequences. (The suspension? One of the kids took a drawing AJ did and littered it wiht inappropriate drawings and words. The suspension was for that inappropriateness, not for any bullying or anything like that.) It is so nice the school is looking out for my kid! ALl they freaking care about is test scores and hell with everything else.
While I do not want to rush my kids growing up, I really can't wait till Noah graduates and we are done with this school crap. 9 more years to go....
Monday, January 23, 2012
They do come back...to visit!
Kids are funny. While growing up, they can't WAIT to leave home and go out into the "real world." "Once I leave I am never coming back!" they say. Then, once they are out there, THAT is when they realize how good they really had it! THAT is when they may feel bad for all the whining and complaining about all of their chores, the curfews, the rules. It is nice when they finally tell you how much they appreciated their childhood, even if it did not seem like it at the time. And it is hard not to day "I told you so!"
Jenna has been out of the house for a little over 2 years now, and yup now she knows how nice it was to live at home with no responsibilities other than keeping her room clean and doing her laundry, plus the dishes when it was her turn to do them. No work, no bills. She left home to go to school, and lived with my mom while she did so. She is still living with my mom, saving up to hopefully get a place of her own in the spring or summer. More precisely, I should be honest...she and her fiancee are living with my mom and will get a place together when they save enough money. They both work and they are making a dent in their savings goal.
But this week. she is HOME. Yay! LOL. She has come to visit for a few days. Now, her primary motive is actually to be here to support a friend of hers. A few months ago, her friend was happily engaged and planning a wedding. The, her world was flipped because it turns out this man was also a child abuser. Not sure how, but he broke the arm of Jenna's friend's son, who was 3 at the time. As soon as this hearing was scheduled, Jenna made plans to come be supportive (especially when she found out that the boy, now 4, is actually expected to testify in front of the man who hurt him! his statement apparently is not enough? baloney!!). That's Jenna, once a friend always a friend. Even when it was found out that this hearing is actually only a preliminary hearing, Jenna still kept her plan and came. And will try to come if/when there is an actual trial. In my not-so-objective opinion, anyone would be lucky to have Jenna as a friend :) Hopefully, we get to see Jenna for more than 5 minutes of her visit though! She has so many folks who want to see her and so little time. I guess that happens when you have friends, but then move away from them. I guess we have similar issues when we go to Tucson to visit. Folks who want to meet up with the hubby and catch up, but not enough time in any visit to get everyone in. Maybe next time we should just have a big party at my in-laws house LOL. Anyway, just saying that it is nice Jenna still wants to come home. :)
AJ wants to go away to school too. She wants to go back to AZ and live with my in-laws while she does it. I hope she is paying attention to the dynamic between my mom and Jenna. They get along fine...when they are not living together! Living together makes for a whole different relationship. Still have 4 years...no, wait, more like 3 1/2...ack!!!...before we get to that point! It will fly though...
Jenna has been out of the house for a little over 2 years now, and yup now she knows how nice it was to live at home with no responsibilities other than keeping her room clean and doing her laundry, plus the dishes when it was her turn to do them. No work, no bills. She left home to go to school, and lived with my mom while she did so. She is still living with my mom, saving up to hopefully get a place of her own in the spring or summer. More precisely, I should be honest...she and her fiancee are living with my mom and will get a place together when they save enough money. They both work and they are making a dent in their savings goal.
But this week. she is HOME. Yay! LOL. She has come to visit for a few days. Now, her primary motive is actually to be here to support a friend of hers. A few months ago, her friend was happily engaged and planning a wedding. The, her world was flipped because it turns out this man was also a child abuser. Not sure how, but he broke the arm of Jenna's friend's son, who was 3 at the time. As soon as this hearing was scheduled, Jenna made plans to come be supportive (especially when she found out that the boy, now 4, is actually expected to testify in front of the man who hurt him! his statement apparently is not enough? baloney!!). That's Jenna, once a friend always a friend. Even when it was found out that this hearing is actually only a preliminary hearing, Jenna still kept her plan and came. And will try to come if/when there is an actual trial. In my not-so-objective opinion, anyone would be lucky to have Jenna as a friend :) Hopefully, we get to see Jenna for more than 5 minutes of her visit though! She has so many folks who want to see her and so little time. I guess that happens when you have friends, but then move away from them. I guess we have similar issues when we go to Tucson to visit. Folks who want to meet up with the hubby and catch up, but not enough time in any visit to get everyone in. Maybe next time we should just have a big party at my in-laws house LOL. Anyway, just saying that it is nice Jenna still wants to come home. :)
AJ wants to go away to school too. She wants to go back to AZ and live with my in-laws while she does it. I hope she is paying attention to the dynamic between my mom and Jenna. They get along fine...when they are not living together! Living together makes for a whole different relationship. Still have 4 years...no, wait, more like 3 1/2...ack!!!...before we get to that point! It will fly though...
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Just a misfit...
For some reason, I woke up at 5am and could not get back to sleep. In that quiet time, for some reason my mind wandered, and it wandered to this. I am a misfit. It's true, I just don't fit in. Just like Rudolph and all those toys on the island. I don't conform. I never thought it was a huge problem. But thinking about it, I guess it has affected my life in small ways.
Growing up, we were the only white family on the block. My brother and I were pretty much the only white kids in school. We took ribbing for it, got into fights and such as well. But also made some darn good friends at the same time, and some of those kids are still in the neighborhood, or have ties to it. And our kids have played together when we visit. So in those younger years, it all balanced out and I never gave it much thought. I am sure it also helped me to become the open-minded person I am today.
I was always the fat white girl, and as such I am shy. Always have been. I know that is not conducive to making friends. But I made a few in high school. My mom sent me off to a private Catholic high school thinking she was keeping me away from some of the bad influences that were present at the local public high school. Lotta good that did her in the end. I ended up pregnant at 16. Yeah that went over well in a Catholic high school LOL. I gained some interest while pregnant, but only had a couple real friends. And eventually, they drifted away. By the time I graduated, I had a totally different set of friends than when I started high school. And once high school ended, those relationships kinda disintegrated too. I do have some contact with a few folks via Facebook, but we are all spread out anyway so its not like a real friendship, just a little reconnecting. Which is fine.
So here I sit at 37. Still the shy, fat white girl. Married though. 4 kids, aged 20, 14, 13 and 8. I like sports, my kids like to play sports and we do spend a lot of time taking them to games and practices. My music of choice is nothing like most folks I know. I am just different. Any fellow moms I meet that are around my age, their oldest kids are the age of my youngest, or even younger. I would think that my having kids in different stages would be a positive, that maybe I could share some experiences when my "friends" kids get to those ages. But you know what? It seems more like a hindrance. Whether folks think I don't have anything in common with them because of my family make up or whether they think my older kids could be a bad influence on their younger, innocent ones...any "friends" I may have made in the past few years seem to have vanished. Whether it was planning get-togethers outside of the moms group we were all in, or quietly, unceremoniously unfriending in Facebook, almost everyone has disappeared. Yes I have contact with some, but things sure are not the way they used to be. It makes me sad. With my personality, yeah I take some of it personally. And I definitely take it super personal when I am told flat-out that my kids are not good enough, that they are a hindrance to any friendships.
My husband and I are also very close. We actually like to spend time together. And that seems to be an oddity too. My husband is fine with me going out occasionally, and even though I have encouraged him to do the same when asked, he has given one to many "not tonight" answers and thus does not get many, if any, invites anymore. He says he would rather stay here with me, and not necessarily leave me home with the kids while he is out having fun, after I have been dealing with them all day. Which I appreciate. Shame other folks can't do the same. And the fact that our kids are older, getting together with other families just does not happen because it seems the older ones my expose the younger ones to....something. What? I have no idea.
So maybe it is good that I am OK with being a loner, a misfit. Sure, my feelings have been hurt. I guess I can, and do, get over that. But I do wonder why folks preach tolerance and then hold small things against others when going about their own lives.
And by writing this, maybe I have figured out why my 14 y/o is such a misfit herself. She is nothing like the rest of us...she is into stuff we are not, she does not like the stuff we do. How she has lived here for 14 years and turned out this way, i don't know. I guess maybe she is just like her mother! A misfit....
Growing up, we were the only white family on the block. My brother and I were pretty much the only white kids in school. We took ribbing for it, got into fights and such as well. But also made some darn good friends at the same time, and some of those kids are still in the neighborhood, or have ties to it. And our kids have played together when we visit. So in those younger years, it all balanced out and I never gave it much thought. I am sure it also helped me to become the open-minded person I am today.
I was always the fat white girl, and as such I am shy. Always have been. I know that is not conducive to making friends. But I made a few in high school. My mom sent me off to a private Catholic high school thinking she was keeping me away from some of the bad influences that were present at the local public high school. Lotta good that did her in the end. I ended up pregnant at 16. Yeah that went over well in a Catholic high school LOL. I gained some interest while pregnant, but only had a couple real friends. And eventually, they drifted away. By the time I graduated, I had a totally different set of friends than when I started high school. And once high school ended, those relationships kinda disintegrated too. I do have some contact with a few folks via Facebook, but we are all spread out anyway so its not like a real friendship, just a little reconnecting. Which is fine.
So here I sit at 37. Still the shy, fat white girl. Married though. 4 kids, aged 20, 14, 13 and 8. I like sports, my kids like to play sports and we do spend a lot of time taking them to games and practices. My music of choice is nothing like most folks I know. I am just different. Any fellow moms I meet that are around my age, their oldest kids are the age of my youngest, or even younger. I would think that my having kids in different stages would be a positive, that maybe I could share some experiences when my "friends" kids get to those ages. But you know what? It seems more like a hindrance. Whether folks think I don't have anything in common with them because of my family make up or whether they think my older kids could be a bad influence on their younger, innocent ones...any "friends" I may have made in the past few years seem to have vanished. Whether it was planning get-togethers outside of the moms group we were all in, or quietly, unceremoniously unfriending in Facebook, almost everyone has disappeared. Yes I have contact with some, but things sure are not the way they used to be. It makes me sad. With my personality, yeah I take some of it personally. And I definitely take it super personal when I am told flat-out that my kids are not good enough, that they are a hindrance to any friendships.
My husband and I are also very close. We actually like to spend time together. And that seems to be an oddity too. My husband is fine with me going out occasionally, and even though I have encouraged him to do the same when asked, he has given one to many "not tonight" answers and thus does not get many, if any, invites anymore. He says he would rather stay here with me, and not necessarily leave me home with the kids while he is out having fun, after I have been dealing with them all day. Which I appreciate. Shame other folks can't do the same. And the fact that our kids are older, getting together with other families just does not happen because it seems the older ones my expose the younger ones to....something. What? I have no idea.
So maybe it is good that I am OK with being a loner, a misfit. Sure, my feelings have been hurt. I guess I can, and do, get over that. But I do wonder why folks preach tolerance and then hold small things against others when going about their own lives.
And by writing this, maybe I have figured out why my 14 y/o is such a misfit herself. She is nothing like the rest of us...she is into stuff we are not, she does not like the stuff we do. How she has lived here for 14 years and turned out this way, i don't know. I guess maybe she is just like her mother! A misfit....
Monday, January 16, 2012
Just gotta keep going...
Why is it when I go to the gym, I am so sore afterwards? Its not like I only do it once a month. I mean, I feel all good afterwards, but then after coming home and showering and what not, I start to feel all blah and sore. Yeah, yeah I know it means I worked hard but still! LOL IT HURTS!! But I know I gotta keep it up, because maybe if I do I will see changes eventually.
Going into week 3 of ramped up gym time. No weight lost but many muscles worked! I'll share my schedule, so that I have folks to answer to when I don't keep on it HAHAHAHA:
Monday: 9:40am Bodycombat class. Then later, while Nick at at aikido and karate class (he takes the adult classes now, so his classes are in the evening while Noah's are after school or later afternoon), we hit the gym for another hour or so of weights and cardio (the gym is the same complex as the karate studio where I work and where the kids take karate so why not?) and then hubby and I do the kickboxing class at the studio, which is also an hour.
Tuesday: hit the gym at 9 for 30 mins of cardio, followed by CXWORX, which is a 30 minute core class. (hubby goes in late and does this with me)
Wednesday: Nick has karate at 6:45 so we drop him at 6:30 and then hit the gym for about 45-50 minutes for weights/cardio, then go back to the studio for the 7:30 kickboxing class.
Thursday: 8am CXWORX and 8:35am Bodycombat classes (which hubby does with me so long as he has not been up till 3am doing maintenance for work LOL). Then, Nick and Noah have basketball practice in the evening so usually hubby and I will go to the gym while they are practicing, which gives us about an hour or so of gym time. (if the gym were closer to AJ's practice site, we'd go while she was at basketball practice too but not enough time for that since her practice is only an hour whereas the boys practices are 90 minutes lol)
Friday: 8:35am Bodypump class. then the boys do weapons classes at the karate studio from 4 until 5:30 or 6:15 (depending on if they do 2 or all 3) and so...gym time again! another hour or so depending on whether or not I have to pick up AJ from creative writing club at 5ish.
Saturday: depends on scheduling. usually, 11:05 CXWORX class and then some cardio, at least 30 minutes, afterwards. But as the seasons change, the schedule changes with basketball now, baseball/softball coming in the spring and football in the fall. So this does not always happen!
Sunday: sometimes a day off, sometimes we try and get to the gym. Again, depends on schedule right now, as AJ's basketball games are on Sundays.
Between the karate studio and the gym, I feel like I live in the complex where those buildings are! Looking at my schedule, I wonder if I could squeeze some swim time in there, as there is a lap pool at the gym. Bah...nah...I hate getting all wet most of the time LOL. Maybe I need to work in some relaxation time in the steam room or sauna tho! HAHA. Really, the cardio portions of my workouts are kinda relaxing. There is a cardio cinema at the gym, and most of the time the movies suck BUT the room is dark and cool, and I will go in the cinema for those reasons alone. gimme my mp3 player and that dark room and I am fairly happy in my own little world. The gym also has a 24 hour section. So if we are busy shuttling the kids around, feeding them, etc. we can still go the the gym later in the evening. During baseball/softball season, thats what we did a lot, especially since AJ's games were later. We'd see the kids to bed and then hit the gym at 10 or 11 for an hour or so. So we really try to make the time. Makes sense since we are paying for it right? LOL.
Now, lets see how long this ramped-up gym schedule lasts!!
Going into week 3 of ramped up gym time. No weight lost but many muscles worked! I'll share my schedule, so that I have folks to answer to when I don't keep on it HAHAHAHA:
Monday: 9:40am Bodycombat class. Then later, while Nick at at aikido and karate class (he takes the adult classes now, so his classes are in the evening while Noah's are after school or later afternoon), we hit the gym for another hour or so of weights and cardio (the gym is the same complex as the karate studio where I work and where the kids take karate so why not?) and then hubby and I do the kickboxing class at the studio, which is also an hour.
Tuesday: hit the gym at 9 for 30 mins of cardio, followed by CXWORX, which is a 30 minute core class. (hubby goes in late and does this with me)
Wednesday: Nick has karate at 6:45 so we drop him at 6:30 and then hit the gym for about 45-50 minutes for weights/cardio, then go back to the studio for the 7:30 kickboxing class.
Thursday: 8am CXWORX and 8:35am Bodycombat classes (which hubby does with me so long as he has not been up till 3am doing maintenance for work LOL). Then, Nick and Noah have basketball practice in the evening so usually hubby and I will go to the gym while they are practicing, which gives us about an hour or so of gym time. (if the gym were closer to AJ's practice site, we'd go while she was at basketball practice too but not enough time for that since her practice is only an hour whereas the boys practices are 90 minutes lol)
Friday: 8:35am Bodypump class. then the boys do weapons classes at the karate studio from 4 until 5:30 or 6:15 (depending on if they do 2 or all 3) and so...gym time again! another hour or so depending on whether or not I have to pick up AJ from creative writing club at 5ish.
Saturday: depends on scheduling. usually, 11:05 CXWORX class and then some cardio, at least 30 minutes, afterwards. But as the seasons change, the schedule changes with basketball now, baseball/softball coming in the spring and football in the fall. So this does not always happen!
Sunday: sometimes a day off, sometimes we try and get to the gym. Again, depends on schedule right now, as AJ's basketball games are on Sundays.
Between the karate studio and the gym, I feel like I live in the complex where those buildings are! Looking at my schedule, I wonder if I could squeeze some swim time in there, as there is a lap pool at the gym. Bah...nah...I hate getting all wet most of the time LOL. Maybe I need to work in some relaxation time in the steam room or sauna tho! HAHA. Really, the cardio portions of my workouts are kinda relaxing. There is a cardio cinema at the gym, and most of the time the movies suck BUT the room is dark and cool, and I will go in the cinema for those reasons alone. gimme my mp3 player and that dark room and I am fairly happy in my own little world. The gym also has a 24 hour section. So if we are busy shuttling the kids around, feeding them, etc. we can still go the the gym later in the evening. During baseball/softball season, thats what we did a lot, especially since AJ's games were later. We'd see the kids to bed and then hit the gym at 10 or 11 for an hour or so. So we really try to make the time. Makes sense since we are paying for it right? LOL.
Now, lets see how long this ramped-up gym schedule lasts!!
Friday, January 13, 2012
Logically, my kids actions ought to help me, right?
It never fails...I see a treat in the store, bring it home and never even get a nibble of it because the kids have found it and eaten every last crumb. Now, I don't mind sharing but sheesh, to not get any of it? And really, it does not matter if I bring home donuts, string cheese, fruit or cookies. They will find it and devour it. Even if I hide it, they will find it! It is like they are on mission to find the goodies! So, you would think that would help me out right? I mean, if I buy it on a whim and bring it home but I never get to eat it, that is really all the better for me right? Or, if I just don't buy it in the first place because, heck, I am not gonna get to indulge anyway, then that should be good too right? Oh how I wish it worked that way! It does not seem to for me, anyway. All this stuff I have not gotten to eat...somehow, it still seems to have made its way to my waistline, I swear! Or at least seems to have blocked me from dropping any more weight or inches. And that really sucks! I did not realize just looking at food was unhealthy! Cuz that is now it seems right now! :::grumble:::
4-5 days at the gym, some days 2 times a day depending on schedule...2 kickboxing classes a week too...and being deprived of goodies...and changing the way I cook when necessary to make things a little better...and I have still been at a standstill for months! And now I am getting frustrated and feeling like giving up sometimes. I mean overall I have made progress so there is that. But lately I have made 0 progress. And yes i have changed up the routine and all that. Added more gym time. Trying different things. I know in my head I gotta give it more time, but my psyche is taking a big hit.
4-5 days at the gym, some days 2 times a day depending on schedule...2 kickboxing classes a week too...and being deprived of goodies...and changing the way I cook when necessary to make things a little better...and I have still been at a standstill for months! And now I am getting frustrated and feeling like giving up sometimes. I mean overall I have made progress so there is that. But lately I have made 0 progress. And yes i have changed up the routine and all that. Added more gym time. Trying different things. I know in my head I gotta give it more time, but my psyche is taking a big hit.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
A failure? Or accept my limits and move on?
I don't run. Ok no...I CAN'T run. I just can't. I do not like the way it feels, and I can't do it very long without feeling winded. I can walk all day long...I can ride a bike...I can kill it on the elliptical. I am even more flexible than I was a year ago. But try to run? Forget it! Not even a jog. I. Just. Can't. And you know what? It makes me feel like a big fat fail! And last night, it practically brought me to tears. Now, last night I had the added failure of not eating before going to the gym and following that by going to kickboxing. I forgot. I was trying to be sure the kids were taken care of and forgot to grab something real quick...a snack bar, a protein shake, something like that. I was focused on everyone else. So I was feeling off anyway. But I worked thru it. Till, during kickboxing, we had a jogging/running exercise. Even partnering up with the hubs instead of another classmate, I still felt like a big fat fail. I tried my best, but could only do 2 out of the 3 passes. The good thing I guess is that I did not quit like I wanted to. I just took a short break and then did the rest of class without issue.
My biggest question to myself is WHY? Why do I feel like that?? Should I feel like a failure? I KNOW that not everyone is cut out to run. The best running I ever did was running the bases in softball. That's 60 feet at a pop. Not too hard for most folks. Including me. But, any more than that....nope. And it makes me feel bad. Despite all that I CAN do, this one thing pisses me off. So...what...do I accept my limits and move on, or keep trying to do this and feeling like I am beating a dead horse? This is my dilemma today....well, at least till the kids come home and present me with more fun stuff!!
My biggest question to myself is WHY? Why do I feel like that?? Should I feel like a failure? I KNOW that not everyone is cut out to run. The best running I ever did was running the bases in softball. That's 60 feet at a pop. Not too hard for most folks. Including me. But, any more than that....nope. And it makes me feel bad. Despite all that I CAN do, this one thing pisses me off. So...what...do I accept my limits and move on, or keep trying to do this and feeling like I am beating a dead horse? This is my dilemma today....well, at least till the kids come home and present me with more fun stuff!!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
SAHMoms are LAZY??
Ok so I was in the middle of doing something and did not have a chance to change the channel right away. Anderson Cooper is on, and there are SAHMoms vs Working moms. And the NERVE of some of these women who think stay at home moms are LAZY?? That we have no mental stimulation? Staying at home is an excuse to shirk responsibility?? We are selfish?? The SAHmoms do not seem to be ripping the working moms, but boy those working moms are ripping up the stay at home moms! The more I listen to some of this drivel, that more mad I get. But I can't change the channel! It's like a train wreck. It is great if you CHOOSE to work outside the home. It is great if you CHOOSE to stay at home. But geez folks, it is not necessary to feel the folks who do not make your choice are bad parents or bad people! I really dislike folks who are bitchy because others do not believe the same way they do. SAHM vs working moms. Breastfeeding vs bottlefeeding. Co-sleeping vs crib sleeping. Why can't we all support each others choices as PARENTS and stop judging because Jane Doe does not do things the same way as you do. Makes me wonder if those folks who have such bad things to say about SAHMoms are maybe feeling guilty themselves and are trying to justify their choices. Who knows!!
I am pretty much a stay at home mom, and I have been since Jenna was 5. I am happy I am able to be here when the kids get home from school. I am home so I can get them to their activities...games, practices, etc. I am here to get things done like errands, shopping, cooking, laundry, homework, etc. In April 2010, I did pick up a very part time job. Right now I work 7-8 hours per week picking up kids for an after school program at a local martial arts studio. The job is within school hours. Noah gets picked up by the program since I am working, and we meet up at the studio when I am done. He usually takes the karate class with the after school kids, and when he is done we go home. It is only 4:00 by that time, and so there is still time to get stuff done before having to take anyone anywhere. Anyone who knows the schedule around this place would be a fool if they accused me of being lazy. My kids are active...karate, baseball, softball, basketball, football. It is always something. I wish I had time to be lazy sometimes! (ok so maybe I do on our off nights...but still!) If I worked full time, they would not be able to do the things they want to. I feel fulfilled as a mom by being able to do things for my kids. Why would anyone begrudge me of that?? Now, have I had to say no to things due to money issues? Of course. But that happens, it is part of life. If I worked full time, sure maybe there would be more money but I'd have to tell them no because there is no time. Do I neglect myself in favor of the kids? Every day of my life. But it is my CHOICE. I am not unhappy overall. (yes some days the kids make me unhappy but is that not true in any family?). Raising my kids IS my job. I may not draw a paycheck from it, but I get "paid" in other ways. And I am by no means lazy or shirking responsibility. And I do not get why anyone would even think that way. Smacks of ignorance to me.
Besides, maybe one day it will all payoff when Nick hits it big in the NFL and can take care of me in return for everything I did for him HAHAHAHA!!!!
:::changing the channel now::::
I am pretty much a stay at home mom, and I have been since Jenna was 5. I am happy I am able to be here when the kids get home from school. I am home so I can get them to their activities...games, practices, etc. I am here to get things done like errands, shopping, cooking, laundry, homework, etc. In April 2010, I did pick up a very part time job. Right now I work 7-8 hours per week picking up kids for an after school program at a local martial arts studio. The job is within school hours. Noah gets picked up by the program since I am working, and we meet up at the studio when I am done. He usually takes the karate class with the after school kids, and when he is done we go home. It is only 4:00 by that time, and so there is still time to get stuff done before having to take anyone anywhere. Anyone who knows the schedule around this place would be a fool if they accused me of being lazy. My kids are active...karate, baseball, softball, basketball, football. It is always something. I wish I had time to be lazy sometimes! (ok so maybe I do on our off nights...but still!) If I worked full time, they would not be able to do the things they want to. I feel fulfilled as a mom by being able to do things for my kids. Why would anyone begrudge me of that?? Now, have I had to say no to things due to money issues? Of course. But that happens, it is part of life. If I worked full time, sure maybe there would be more money but I'd have to tell them no because there is no time. Do I neglect myself in favor of the kids? Every day of my life. But it is my CHOICE. I am not unhappy overall. (yes some days the kids make me unhappy but is that not true in any family?). Raising my kids IS my job. I may not draw a paycheck from it, but I get "paid" in other ways. And I am by no means lazy or shirking responsibility. And I do not get why anyone would even think that way. Smacks of ignorance to me.
Besides, maybe one day it will all payoff when Nick hits it big in the NFL and can take care of me in return for everything I did for him HAHAHAHA!!!!
:::changing the channel now::::
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Pissed over Cheerios?
I have pulled out my firesuit so that I can write this:
I am sitting here watching the news and a story comes on about outrage by parents over new Peanut Butter Cheerios. Really? Outrage over a new cereal flavor? What is this world coming to?
Now YES, I know there are many, many folks with peanut allergies. And it can be life threatening, just as allergies to other things can be. But to be pissed cuz a cereal company introduces a new peanut-based flavor is just....silliness. By those folk's thinking, we should clear the shelves of anything peanut-related. No peanut butter, no salted peanuts, no Reese's cups, no peanuts at all!! I understand it can be difficult to deal with a peanut allergy. I know folks whose kids are allergic. But also the folks I know have more common sense than to think the world can banish peanuts forever. Does it make life a little more difficult? Sure. But nobody ever claimed it was gonna be easy! My son and I are allergic to cats, and react differently depending on if its long haired or short haired. When it comes to long haired cats,. it is much worse to the point it affects our breathing. We can not stay in my mom's house anymore because she got a long-haired cat a couple years ago. (she had a short haired cat, and our reaction was the itchy eyes and sneezing but could be controlled by claritin/zyrtec. Nothing helps when it comes to this long haired cat.). Like with peanuts, cat hair and dander is spread around since it sticks to your clothes and such. Never, ever would I say we should rid the world of cats because someone may have an allergic reaction. It's just a part of life. A sucky part, but part of life nonetheless. It is just something to consider when even doing something as simple as deciding whether or not Nick can sleep over at someone's house. Same as someone with a peanut allergy.. Or a milk allergy. Or any other allergy. These things have to be considered when doing normal, every day things. While I am all for some considerations being made, such as peanut-free classrooms, special peanut-free lunch tables and other such things...saying companies should stay away from peanuts altogether just strikes me as....well, nuts.
I may be in the minority here, but oh well. Such is life!!
(in the news story, they did mention many parents who have kids with peanut allergies are just fine with the new cereal and that they will just stay away from it, no biggie. there is still plain cheerios to enjoy!)
I am sitting here watching the news and a story comes on about outrage by parents over new Peanut Butter Cheerios. Really? Outrage over a new cereal flavor? What is this world coming to?
Now YES, I know there are many, many folks with peanut allergies. And it can be life threatening, just as allergies to other things can be. But to be pissed cuz a cereal company introduces a new peanut-based flavor is just....silliness. By those folk's thinking, we should clear the shelves of anything peanut-related. No peanut butter, no salted peanuts, no Reese's cups, no peanuts at all!! I understand it can be difficult to deal with a peanut allergy. I know folks whose kids are allergic. But also the folks I know have more common sense than to think the world can banish peanuts forever. Does it make life a little more difficult? Sure. But nobody ever claimed it was gonna be easy! My son and I are allergic to cats, and react differently depending on if its long haired or short haired. When it comes to long haired cats,. it is much worse to the point it affects our breathing. We can not stay in my mom's house anymore because she got a long-haired cat a couple years ago. (she had a short haired cat, and our reaction was the itchy eyes and sneezing but could be controlled by claritin/zyrtec. Nothing helps when it comes to this long haired cat.). Like with peanuts, cat hair and dander is spread around since it sticks to your clothes and such. Never, ever would I say we should rid the world of cats because someone may have an allergic reaction. It's just a part of life. A sucky part, but part of life nonetheless. It is just something to consider when even doing something as simple as deciding whether or not Nick can sleep over at someone's house. Same as someone with a peanut allergy.. Or a milk allergy. Or any other allergy. These things have to be considered when doing normal, every day things. While I am all for some considerations being made, such as peanut-free classrooms, special peanut-free lunch tables and other such things...saying companies should stay away from peanuts altogether just strikes me as....well, nuts.
I may be in the minority here, but oh well. Such is life!!
(in the news story, they did mention many parents who have kids with peanut allergies are just fine with the new cereal and that they will just stay away from it, no biggie. there is still plain cheerios to enjoy!)
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Passionate Mom
As I stated in an earlier post, my kids play sports. A lot of sports. And luckily, sports that I am familiar with. I played baseball, softball and basketball in the past and while I never played football, I know (kinda lol) and love the game. As such, I do tend to get heated during games when I see my kids getting screwed. Whether it is a mucked up strike zone on my girl, non-calls when my son is being mugged like James Harrison in the backfield or BS fouls on the kids in basketball, I tend to get mad. And vocal. But never, ever have I ever felt the need to leave the court/field. Until today. The refereeing in Nick's game this morning was atrocious. And I have seen some bad refereeing in basketball but this...wow. I had to walk away towards the end of the first quarter (I went back for the 4th quarter) after Nick got called for his 4th foul. Now, you get 5 fouls in a game and you are out. ONE of those fouls was valid. 2, there was no contact at all. One was questionable at best. And Nick was not the only one getting screwed over. His teammates were getting mugged and not getting calls. 2 kids from the other team got their feet tangled up but a foul was called on one of OUR players. Nick's coach was barking on the sideline as well. The other team got screwed over once too...at one point Nick's team had 6 on the court during some confusion in substitutions and a shot was made when play should have been halted. I will say, Nick's team was down by 20 at one point but they never gave up and even though they did lose, they only lost by 4. They showed heart. But the way that 1st quarter was going and what I heard about the part of the game I missed...I had to leave or I may have gotten tossed out for being too vocal.
At least the refs in Noah's game did a much better job!
Disclaimer: I get vocal. I am passionate. I have gotten tossed from a field once...when i was a teenager watching my brother play baseball and I was unhappy with the umpiring. My solution? Stand on the private property across the street and continue to watch the game and be vocal. So...I do have my moments. I try to be good. Really. I TRY.
Maybe just not very hard.
I think my kids appreciate my passion though.
At least the refs in Noah's game did a much better job!
Disclaimer: I get vocal. I am passionate. I have gotten tossed from a field once...when i was a teenager watching my brother play baseball and I was unhappy with the umpiring. My solution? Stand on the private property across the street and continue to watch the game and be vocal. So...I do have my moments. I try to be good. Really. I TRY.
Maybe just not very hard.
I think my kids appreciate my passion though.
Friday, January 6, 2012
A little about me...
Ok so now...a little about me. I have been marries for 14+ years. The big "15" is coming up in March. I am not sure anyone who knew us would have imagined we'd last this long. I met my husband online in an AOL chat room back in 1996, before meeting online was as common as it is today. I lived in PA and he lived in AZ. AOL charged $2.95/he back in those days so at first we just chatted a bit online but mainly exchanged emails. But it was around that time AOL gave its employees an extra, or "1+1" account, to give to anyone they chose. Hubby worked for AOL (and he still does) so he took the account and gave it to me. Thus we could chat with no worried about how much it was costing me to do so (and with that, he made up the name "gottaluvya" and so that is me!) . We met online at the end of April, he came to PA to meet in person in July, we got engaged before he left and then I moved to AZ in August and we married in March 1997. Folks thought I was nuts...not only did I meet someone, become engaged and move 1800+ miles from home all in a matter of 4 months, I was also a single mom to a 5 year old girl. But it seemed right, especially because my daughter, who did not like ANYONE outside of our family (and was even wary of some IN our family!) warmed up to my hubby almost right away. Jenna...she did not like anyone outside the family, did not speak a word to anyone outside the family and generally was somewhat anti-social. But she took to the strange man I brought home within a couple hours. Yes she hid behind my legs at first, but by the end of the evening she was feeding him spaghetti. That said a LOT to me. That is why it all felt like it was the right thing to do. 15 years later, so far so good!!
We got married and went on to have 3 more kids (and hubby adopted Jenna when she was 9, so he is her father in every way that matters.). We are generally a happy family of 6. Jenna is 20, AJ is 14, Nick is 13 and Noah is 8. Even though Jenna is grown up and moved out of the house (and engaged herself!! ack!!), obviously she is still part of the family. (and when she does get married, I guess I get another kid too LOL). The other kids are stuck with me for a few more years hahaha. Hubby and I have our moments, although I really never let on about it (but I may vent from time to time now that I have an outlet!!). I imagine folks generally thing we have the perfect marriage. And I will say they are probably wrong...I know we are not perfect. Then again I imagine it would be more odd if we did NOT have our moments of disagreement! So I'd say we have a healthy relationship. Again, not sure if anyone saw it lasting this long just because of the way it began. But HA!! We are aiming for 50 or more!!!!!!!
We are usually a very busy family. The kids are always into something, which started way back when Jenna first started playing softball when she was 8 and has not stopped since. Nowadays, with 3 kids in different activities it feels as if we are always going. The boys play football, all 3 play basketball, AJ plays softball and Noah plays baseball (Nick gave up baseball 2 years ago) and the boys also take karate. And this spring, AJ and Nick plan to umpire in softball/baseball so we shall see how that works out. Hubby and I take kickboxing and also fit in time at the gym most days of the week. So, we are always going. Most days, I feel like I just need a nap!! (yet I don't sleep well at night, go figure!!)
And enough about me for now....
We got married and went on to have 3 more kids (and hubby adopted Jenna when she was 9, so he is her father in every way that matters.). We are generally a happy family of 6. Jenna is 20, AJ is 14, Nick is 13 and Noah is 8. Even though Jenna is grown up and moved out of the house (and engaged herself!! ack!!), obviously she is still part of the family. (and when she does get married, I guess I get another kid too LOL). The other kids are stuck with me for a few more years hahaha. Hubby and I have our moments, although I really never let on about it (but I may vent from time to time now that I have an outlet!!). I imagine folks generally thing we have the perfect marriage. And I will say they are probably wrong...I know we are not perfect. Then again I imagine it would be more odd if we did NOT have our moments of disagreement! So I'd say we have a healthy relationship. Again, not sure if anyone saw it lasting this long just because of the way it began. But HA!! We are aiming for 50 or more!!!!!!!
We are usually a very busy family. The kids are always into something, which started way back when Jenna first started playing softball when she was 8 and has not stopped since. Nowadays, with 3 kids in different activities it feels as if we are always going. The boys play football, all 3 play basketball, AJ plays softball and Noah plays baseball (Nick gave up baseball 2 years ago) and the boys also take karate. And this spring, AJ and Nick plan to umpire in softball/baseball so we shall see how that works out. Hubby and I take kickboxing and also fit in time at the gym most days of the week. So, we are always going. Most days, I feel like I just need a nap!! (yet I don't sleep well at night, go figure!!)
And enough about me for now....
It's the "IN" thing...I guess. :)
I guess blogging is the "in" thing to do these days. So...here I am! Seriously though, sometimes I can get my thoughts out easier by typing them out rather than taking it out. So this can be my outlet, right? :)
Short intro to come later...now, off to take my boys to their martial arts weapons class!
Short intro to come later...now, off to take my boys to their martial arts weapons class!
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