I am sure everyone had that ONE family member...or 2 or 3 lol...who really just PISSES you off. I imagine it comes with the "family" territory.
My aunt is one of those people. She is driving my family batty! She is married to my dad's brother, and unfortunately several years back he had a pretty bad stroke so she has been his caretaker. Stressful, even though he really recovered better than anyone expected. He is mobile, mentally coherent, etc. But his wife takes control over EVERYTHING. My uncle has power of attorney over my grandmother, and as such his wife thinks SHE can make all the decisions. And of course he goes along with it.
Sp the time came back in October that my grandmother had to be put into a nursing home. She is 98, btw. Before that, my oldest daughter and my mom had been doing the bulk of the caretaking...being with her, helping her out, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. My grandmother is stubborn and did insist on doing stuff on her own, and my mom (yep, my mom...who has been divorced from my dad for 18 years...takes care of her former MIL because she WANTED to,,my dad does as little as possible. Go figure) and daughter let her do so within reason. She would mop the floor (by sitting on a chair and scooching around the small kitchen LOL), she had been known to make her way down to the basement to do laundry (my dad installed railings to the upstairs and basement so that there was a rail on each side of the stairs.), she still liked to cook (we had bought her a crockpot...no fuss meals easy!). But she is 98, and became more and more limited. And my aunt took over everything...especially the money. Told my grandmother she could not have her hair done, it was too expensive. Told her she needed to stop buying certain groceries (basically, the goodies for the kids that she kept at the house for visits). Would come by at the beginning of the month and give my grandmother her "allowance." made my mom and Jenna account for every penny. Even if my grandmother told them keep the change, they couldn't. It was frustrating, but nothing could be done. Everyone grinned and bore it. (my famous quote: she can't take the money with her when she dies. God don't take checks. Let the woman buy a box of cookies!!!!!). Then my grandmother had an episode and it was decided she could no longer live in the home she has lived in for 60+ years.
My grandmother will be 99 next month. She has been cooped up in the nursing home for months. We wanted to take her out for a birthday dinner. We had done so in the past, never really ON her birthday, but usually the weekend afterwards so that we could make the drive up there and be part of it. She loves Olive Garden. Its about 5 minutes from the home. Sounded great! UNTIL...my aunt decided its not a good idea. Oh the work involved...have to have her cane and take the wheelchair too in case she gets tired. What if she has to go to the bathroom. What if she gets tired walking. Blah blah. Ok look, we KNOW whats involved. Nobody asked HER to do anything, yet she is acting as if we are asking her to go build the freaking ark! My daughter talked to her and was treated rather rudely. My aunt even asked "do you want to for this for her or for you" and made comments such as "well its not like you have a tradition with her" and "we have spent every birthday and Mother's Day with her for the last 20 years." It has been TRADITION that I drive up with my family every year around March 15th to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. Whether we go to Olive Garden or KFC (another of her faves) or even just have lunch at her house, we do SOMETHING. THAT is tradition, is it not? My aunt suggested just bringing stuff to the home. Jenna said she's have to talk to her family about it. My aunt was all like "we are all family." Um, huh? If we are all family, why are you treating the rest of us like pariahs? My mom treks out to the home every week for Bingo with my grandmother...my brother goes out at least once a week...Jenna too. We would if we lived closer. Them? Once a month if lucky. Decisions? All made unilaterally by my aunt, with no care for what anyone else may have to say. If that is the definition of family, man we have all been overachieving. Because if we were all family, then maybe you would not be acting like the queen bitch!
We have no choice but to accept the fact we are not "allowed" to take my grandmother out. We gotta take food to the home. Well, that is the plan for now. I am waiting for "oh you guys can have whatever you want but Nunny has to have what we tell her she can." Or some other excuse that we can't do something special for her at all. Because we have no tradition. The woman is going to be 99, I think she deserves a plate of pasta and a bowl of soup and salad! and CAKE! and maybe a walk OUTSIDE with some fresh air. It is not a lot to ask!!
When my grandmother passes, that funeral is gonna ignite one huge fireball. Its gonna be a mess. There are still some hard feelings lingering from way back when Nunny's sister passed and my uncle tried to take over things, even though her daughter was perfectly capable of handling things. He tried to move in and make decisions he had no right to make. I guess this time, he has the paperwork behind him. His wife makes the decision and he just OKs everything she says. I do NOT understand how 2 loving, caring folks like my grandparents gave birth to 2 of the most hardheaded, selfish idiots to walk the face of the earth.
Family. Can't live with em, can't kick their asses!!
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