Emotions

As I was reading a blog and shedding a tear for an online acquaintance's loss, I recalled when I was younger my mom accused me of having no emotions.  Even worse, of being like my father! (That's pretty much a huge insult to me...seriously.).  Now, yeah, we do tease me mom because she will cry at the drop of a hat.  But to think she expects everyone else to do the same...silly!  Yes, of course, I have emotions.  No, I do not always show them.  In fact, a majority of the time I do keep them internalized.  Why?  Because I do get upset or emotional at small things, and I just don't need to advertise it.  Maybe something I get emotional about would seem silly to someone else.  And in my many, many years of low self esteem and of trying to be sure people like, or at least tolerate, me, I did not want to show "weakness."  But you know, why would showing emotions be considered weak?  Maybe I don't wanna be the crazy lazy who cries at the drop of a hat LOL.  Then again, I do find myself getting emotional or teary-eyes at the littlest things.  At Nick's last football game in November, I was thinking about how just a short year from then, Nick would be playing not only in his final A league game, but in his final house/"pee wee" league game period before moving on to possibly playing high school ball.  Not only that, but also how at the same time next year Noah would be playing his final C league game, thus ending an affiliation we have had with that particular team (Nick played on that team in C league too) for 6 of the last 7 years.  I did shed a tear or 2 last year when Jenna graduated from pastry school and was also recognized for doing so with a 4.0 GPA.  I found myself tearing up the other night while reading a book...something I can't recall doing before LOL.  I have cried myself to sleep over things as well.  Being sure, of course, that nobody can see so that I do not have to explain myself.  No explanations means nobody can tell me how silly I am.  I do the same thing when I am mad...I stew to myself so I do not have to explain myself.  I am sure some of the stuff I get annoyed or ticked about most folks would find silly or they might think I was a tad irrational.  I am thankful I have a couple hours to myself on most days.  I can be alone and let it all out.  Then, I can face the world with my happy face.  I gotta be around kids, I sure don't want to be cranky! 

Just because someone can't or won't show emotions in front of people does not mean they do not have feelings.  Maybe their feelings are more fragile than you might think.