Here we are, July 31. Where the heck has the summer gone? In just 6 days our freedom will be gone, as football practice for the boys starts on Monday and as such we will be out with them every weeknight until school starts. This will be Nick's last year in "house" league...A league, the end of the line...last stop before :::gasp::: high school!!!!! It brings tears to my eyes, remembering when he first started in this league 6 years ago. And a little more so because Noah plays on the same C-league team that Nick did when he started out, and this is Noah's last year in C league. So this will also end our association with that team as well. ::sniffle::: At the final game in November, I am sure i will need kleenex!! LOL But this is only July...well, practically August...and I don't want to rush it. Heck, I do not even want to think about the fact that school starts in 3 1/2 weeks! ACK!! A 4th grader, 8th grader and 10th grader. When did they all get so OLD?!?!?!?!? (not even gonna mention the 21 year old...no wonder my hair is falling out HAHAHA).
We were able to get to NC again this year. Got the kids to the beach, got to see my family that lives there...my grandmother, aunt, uncle, cousins. We always have a good time when we go visit. My niece asked if she could come with us this year, and since we had the extra room the the car I said why not. All the kids together seemed to have a good time and seemingly did not fight too much. That was VERY nice LOL. Then we spent a week in Pittsburgh, as the boys did a Pittsburgh Steelers Youth football camp. Nick did it last year and had fun, so this year I signed Noah up too. My uncle also signed up my cousin, so we got to see them as well and hang out with my uncle and aunt while the boys were at camp. We also visited Kennywood...3 times total this summer, a new record LOL. Noah was ecstatic that he hit the 52 inch mark, meaning he could ride the final forbidden rides. Which he did. A LOT. I raised a bunch of coaster freaks LOL. Coasters and thrill rides.
With football coming, it also is time to retool my evening workouts. We shall see where the boys practice and that will help determine what we do. No more Monday kickboxing or Tuesday Body Combat unless practice is rained out. Should be able to keep the Monday evening walk/jog, especially if Noah practices at the same place as last year, as there is a track around that practice field. Happily, my mornings will not change. At least until I get burnt out and need a break! I think the vacations helped the burn out a bit. So maybe taking time away here and there is actually a good thing. When you have an established routine, missing the gym time sometimes makes you feel guilty. But I have learned that breaks are necessary. The last break helped me mentally..to the point I briefly thought of adding another workout. But I said NO...body needs rest in between! I surely do not need an injury to involuntarily keep me down! I have not overcome the plateau I hit back around Memorial Day, at least on the scale. But I have determined that I need to take my wedding rings in to be resized. They are very loose and at some times of the day probably at risk of falling off. Mainly when I am sweaty LOL. But they even slide off easier now when i wash/dry my hands. drying under them so I don't get irritation...they just slide right off. my knuckle used to hold them on better. My fingers are NOT where I would like to lose more weight/volume, dear body!!!!!! Please divert the weight/fat loss to my mid-section. I know I won't ever be a 120lb size 4 beauty...but I'd still like to knock off a few more pounds anyway just for...fun...HAHA. I am probably down about 85-95lbs from my all-time highest weight from about 8+ years ago. I should be happy with that. And I am. But I would still have a long way to go to get to my 'recommended" weight. A number I do not think I will ever see. But I keep making small goals on this journey. And when I hit the goal, then i think about the next one. I can't think too far ahead, or make impossible goals. No "I want to lose 50lbs in 6 months" baloney. Mine are more like "I want to get to ___ lbs" and when i hot that, I figure out how long it took and make the next goal of ___ lbs. Not in any specific time. Just would like to get there. Eventually. It does not make hitting the plateaus less frustrating, but it makes me less likely to give up altogether because I don't have a DATE, so no pressure to "fit into that dress by Christmas" and thus no freaking out when it does not happen. At least that is what I keep telling myself!
Somewhere along the line this summer, I lost another alleged friend. Actually, I know exactly when it happened. This time with no warning or explanation. Not only the loss of a friend, but expulsion from a group of other "friends," as if I committed some mortal sin. I did, I guess...I was just being myself. Oh well. While it upset me at first, and then made me mad...now I am just like, bah...whatever! I sure have no idea why folks decide I am not worthy, but at this point, I am too tired to worry about it. I suppose I am meant to go thru life with just my family by my side. I just have several acquaintances now...no real friends, no go-to "girls night out" buddies, nobody local to just escape with. I guess if I ever fight with Rudy HE will have to be the one to leave and go stay somewhere...probably on a cot in the lab at his office LOL. (just kidding...we have never fought to the extent one of us leaves to cool down for more than an hour or 2!!! we simply do not allow it. kinda like not going to bed angry....). Anyway...I have decided I just have to be ME and if folks can't handle it, whatever. I am not frilly, not girly, don't care much for shopping, makeup, etc., love some sports, can be highly opinionated, very open minded and yes shy and somewhat introverted. I guess folks can't handle that!
Ok cutting this off now. Headache...grrr. :(
Apparently, comments may only be 4,096 characters long, so you will find this in two parts
ReplyDelete___________________
Part 1.
I wasn't going to respond to this the same way I didn't feel there was a reason to respond to your message you'll find below. I realize that you're going to hear what you only want to hear so what is the point of responding? I'm not sure. But because you *chose* to discuss our friendship publicly on your blog I may as well respond publicly on your blog so at least both sides are heard.
Clair, I came to you, personally and openly with the email below, with a problem we were having. I gave us the opportunity privately to work through it together as friends. You only heard and responded to one part of my message below. And you *chose* to answer with excuses and in a defensive manner instead of openly and in a way we could continue to discuss it.
First, let's just clear the air on this. Even if you did not know you were going to have to host bunco when you first signed up to be a regular (and I call bullshit) you were given the opportunity to sign up at buncos and also then asked personally in email about when you ware going to host.
So you did find out you were going to need to host and then 'chose' to not respond to any correspondence regarding it. Did you think it would just go away? Did you think by not responding you'd simply be able to continue on coming to buncos and then not host one? Why did you not respond to emails directly to you asking you about bunco? Why did you not just say, "I'm sorry, Tammy, I cannot host at this time. Thank you for the opportunity to allow me to play bunco with you all for this long. It's been a fun time. Maybe I can still be a sub?" *choosing* to ignore Tammy's email was VERY rude. These are the same people that open up their houses to us every month, cook great food and welcome us into their homes. This is supposed to be about fun and not awkward. But *you* made it awkward for the entire group by *choosing* to not answer the group.
Sure, hosting bunco is a lot of work. But by hosting bunco just *once* in a year, one is guaranteed a girls night out once a month for a full year. I see in your blog post you are complaining about not having a way to escape the house. This was one opportunity you had to escape the house if you had chose to. However, the choice you made was to not host and it was the choice *you* made.
Part 2:
ReplyDeleteNow let me get to the heart of it. We've never had tension between us before. It's just never come up. So when something did come up that put us in an odd place, I came to you personally, Clair, and confided in you that you put me in a really bad position that bunco night by the *choices* you made previously to my message to you. I was looking for you to acknowledge that, 'Yes, I can see how it was hard for you and, yes, I should have taken care of this myself. I'm sorry that I didn't and that you were put in an awkward position.' However, instead of responding in manner that we could continue a conversation, you *chose* to be defensive, made excuses and totally breezed over any responsibility you had in the situation. I'm not going to fight with you, Clair. Your message back was looking for a fight. I figured I said what needed to be said whether or not you heard it and there was no point continuing it on since you weren't hearing what I was saying anyway. It gave me very little confidence that our friendship was worth anything to you because you refused to discuss it like adults.
I've noticed all these blog posts about lost friendships have a common theme. They all speak of things that 'just happen to you and you don't know why' supposedly without any action on your part as if you aren't an active player in your own friendships in your life. This is far from the truth. Whether or not you know it, you ARE playing an active roll in your friendships. I think it's a role you don't consider very often and don't think about much. But it's one you should think about. Every interaction you have with other people can make a friendship better or worse. Interactions don't happen 'to' you they happen 'with' you and what you do in the interactions matter just as much as what the other person does.
So there's the heart of it. You can wax on and on about how people don't like you because you aren't girlie enough (Come on. I may be girlie but I like a LOT of people), or you're opinionated or shy, or this reason or that reason etc, etc… but the reason you lost me as a friend is because of the *choices* you made interacting with me when we had some issues that could have been worked through. It has nothing to do with the things you like or don't like, who you are or aren't, it has everything to do with the way you choose to act towards someone who is supposed to be your friend.
You may wonder why it took me so long between our conversation listed below and unfriending you on FB. I was trying to figure out what to do about having Rudy as a friend on FB. My friendship with Rudy was based solely on my friendship with you. I've never actually met Rudy. He seems like a nice friendly guy. But given our friendship seemed to have fun its course, I would have felt funny keeping Rudy on as a friend. But I felt like it would be unfair to him. In the end, I decided that since our friendship has run its course it was prudent to unfriend Rudy, as well. Rudy, please know that it wasn't at all personal.
Part 3:
ReplyDeleteLastly, let me just toss this out there. Friendship is a two way street, Clair. They don't just fall into your lap. When was the last time you reached out to a friend to go out for dinner or a movie? When was the last time you called someone up to get together? When was the last time you posted anything, post or response, in the group you're so upset about getting unsubbed from? Friendship takes a little effort to keep them going. When one side of the friendship is always the one offering to host or get together, it's lopsided. To have a friend one must be a friend. So Clair, when you *choose* to take a passive stance in your friendships and always let them come to you to ask to get together, have you come over, or just simply correspond with you sooner or later they get tired of doing all the work to keep a friendship alive. When you *choose* to respond defensively when I try to be open with you it puts me off. Maybe I am not the 'alleged' friend you think I am. Maybe, all along, 'you' were the alleged friend? Your *choices* seem to make me think so, Clair.
(Referenced emails below.)
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My email to you:
Hi Clair,
I quick wanted to let you know the outcome of Bunco last night. Right now we have 9 regulars for bunco, you included. We played with eight last night for the first time and it went really well. We had to decide to either play with 8 regularly or have 9 and find three more as regulars or get three subs every month.
We decided that because you hadn't signed up to host a month and it's much easier to not try to find subs/regulars that we will be playing with 8.
I'll be honest, last night I was put in an uncomfortable position because they came to me as your friend and the person who brought you into the group to find out what to do about you. I was told that they emailed you a couple times to ask about hosting and that you did not respond. And you were given opportunities during bunco to sign up, like we all did, when the sign up sheets were out. They were trying not to hurt my feelings or make things uncomfortable for me. But really, in the end, if a person agrees to be a regular they are expected to host. I really wish you had dealt with this on your own by just responding to Tammy with something instead of me having to deal with stuff that really doesn't even involve need me. But I really feel like it wasn't very nice to the group to leave them hanging like that, wondering what you were going to do.
Anyway, that's the fallout from Bunco last night. Wanted to make you aware of it.
Becky
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Your email to me:
I do not recall being told that I ever HAD to host, and really I can never plan out that far in advance with few exceptions. Also, i am not really sure I have the room to set up for 3 tables of 4 people. Maybe if it has been said to me when asked to be a regular "hey if you become a regular you've got to host", I could have either figured it out or just remained an alternate if I could not fulfill this requirement. But, it is what it is I guess. Thanks for letting me know. Sorry you were put in such a situation.
:::back to my rock