I don't run. Ok no...I CAN'T run. I just can't. I do not like the way it feels, and I can't do it very long without feeling winded. I can walk all day long...I can ride a bike...I can kill it on the elliptical. I am even more flexible than I was a year ago. But try to run? Forget it! Not even a jog. I. Just. Can't. And you know what? It makes me feel like a big fat fail! And last night, it practically brought me to tears. Now, last night I had the added failure of not eating before going to the gym and following that by going to kickboxing. I forgot. I was trying to be sure the kids were taken care of and forgot to grab something real quick...a snack bar, a protein shake, something like that. I was focused on everyone else. So I was feeling off anyway. But I worked thru it. Till, during kickboxing, we had a jogging/running exercise. Even partnering up with the hubs instead of another classmate, I still felt like a big fat fail. I tried my best, but could only do 2 out of the 3 passes. The good thing I guess is that I did not quit like I wanted to. I just took a short break and then did the rest of class without issue.
My biggest question to myself is WHY? Why do I feel like that?? Should I feel like a failure? I KNOW that not everyone is cut out to run. The best running I ever did was running the bases in softball. That's 60 feet at a pop. Not too hard for most folks. Including me. But, any more than that....nope. And it makes me feel bad. Despite all that I CAN do, this one thing pisses me off. So...what...do I accept my limits and move on, or keep trying to do this and feeling like I am beating a dead horse? This is my dilemma today....well, at least till the kids come home and present me with more fun stuff!!
OH.My.GOSH. Woman, give yourself a break already! I freaking HATE running. You are not a big fat fail, you just have to find the exercise you love enough to want to stick with it.
ReplyDeleteI hate group exercise, and that includes training for runs. Everyone in this whole damn town (it feels like to me) is always group training for something. So, I train by myself. It's the only time I have alone, to clear my head. It's the designated time my husband will watch the kids and I disconnect from the world and hide from everyone.
You DO NOT HAVE TO RUN. You HAVE to take care of yourself for your own sake and the sake of your family. So, don't beat yourself up and find what healthy routine makes you happy and stick with it.
You are not a big fat fail. You are a success because you tried. Now, find something else that makes you happy.
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