A long road to the stage.

So I have been a certified Body Combat instructor for close to 3 months now. YAY!

I am STILL trying to break through the roadblocks at my home gym. Seriously. I had to re-audition. Fine. There is a new program lead and the group X manager wanted the Combat program lead to assess my technique. No problem. I am familiar with her and she with me so it was simple. After that, I got the OK to team teach. But only 2 tracks. Back to back. And only in specific classes. Though I could shadow in any class where the instructor would have me on stage.  So, I did that. For a month. Maybe 6 weeks. By then I figured it was time to reach out and ask about maybe adding on more teaching time/tracks and such. However, that apparently is a no-go. Because, allegedly, while folks say I have done well so far, I need more intensity. The group X manager said she heard from members that I need more intensity. She also thinks I need to do more cardio work that is not Combat to work on my cardio fitness because she "worries" about me making it thru teaching a whole class. However, no amount of extra cardio or strength training (and I have returned to Body Pump, so that is covered) is going to help when I am doing options due to an injury, which I have dealt with recently. No amount of extra cardio or strength training  is going to help me talk more in class, because typically you don't talk on the treadmill or stair stepper or elliptical. I mean I guess you could but...the folks in the white jackets may come to check you out lol.

Anyway...it is hard to build up any kind of intensity or coaching if I do not have the outlet in which to do it!  I mean I am new to all of this, so I am focused on coaching and technique. I want to be sure participants can follow easily. I show options, from low intensity up to high intensity. Because hey, that is what we are taught in training. And I have seen master presenters and trainers encourage instructors to use and show options, especially as these newer releases can get more intense and difficult. I mean, I have done paperwork and am officially an employee of the gym in a technical capacity but I am not on the sub list or anything yet because I have not been deemed ready to teach a full class.

So, it was suggested to me by a couple fellow instructors and friends to contact the group X manager at another gym that just opened in the last couple of months where they also teach and see about getting on their sub list. She had me come in and audition and took me on. So I can actually use my certification now!  I am just a sub, but today will be my 4th class. I know that it could be a week, a month or even longer before anyone needs a sub again but at least I have the opportunity to jump in if needed. Now I have the chance to work on everything.  And as I have done classes, I have identified areas that need work...mainly talking lol. Not the coaching per se, but filling in some gaps of silence. I have been told that sometimes less is more, but man...I feel odd when I can't think of anything to say to the participants!  I am sure it will come with more experience and also as I teach more tracks, because some tracks I can talk all the way thru because they are so familiar to me things just pop into my head. Other times, my brain is a complete blank. I know some of it also comes from my anxiety so any time in front of a group talking is a win overall.

I can only hope I am doing a good enough job.

Roadblocks!

MORE ROADBLOCKS! And I just want to SCREAM. But I won't. I will play nice like an adult.

I am certified now. As per the prior "policy changes" I should now be able to get on stage and team teach to gain experience teaching and working in front of a group and getting comfortable and confident, right? Because I already had approval to be on stage before those "policy changes" came down.
NOPE.
NOWWWWW....a new "technique check" person allegedly has to be consulted before I can be approved to be on stage. This is AFTER I passed an initial audition and AFTER I am fully certified per Les Mills standards. And this technique check person? Conveniently out of town. And by the time she comes back, WE will be away. And when I mentioned this latest development to others asking when I could get up and teach with them, I was met with more "WTF?!?!?!" responses, same as when I was informed of the policy changes regarding Les Mills trainees. (which, far as I know, still have not been communicated to anyone else or put into writing anywhere...)

I need to start somewhere. I want to start with people I know, people who I am comfortable with. I want to get a start and gain the experience so when I venture out looking for other opportunities, my ability will be the main focus, not my appearance.  The other instructors and members of the classes I attend are really supportive. But it is the group X manager who keeps throwing up these bullshit roadblocks. When the "tech check" girl comes back, what will be the next roadblock/excuse? NOBODY else has had to go thru this. I passed the same damn training and assessment as the other Combat instructors. So what gives? Again, I can't help but take it personally.

Look, if you don't want me, just come out and say it. Don't lie to me and throw trash at me hoping I will give in and retreat. Because I am not gonna back down. I will jump thru your hoops. For now.

Between this bullshit and the bullshit my oldest kid is throwing at me recently, I'm about ready to go run and hide under a rock for a few months and take a long, long nap. At least if I were asleep, I wouldn't have to deal with this baloney.

OFFICIALLY CERTIFIED!

After weeks of feeling down and criticizing every move I make (literally, the moves are what killed me the first time LOL), I finally got a good taping and submitted my second video to Les Mills for Body Combat certification. If they rejected the second video, I would have to start all over again. And truthfully, I am not sure I wanted to do that. But they got my video into the queue quickly and yesterday I got that "Congratulations!" email. I was shocked it came back so fast and really a mix of emotions flooded me. It was a hard road, with roadblocks thrown at me at times. But I DID IT.  And I actually have something to be proud of.
Now...to put this certificate to work. Even if it is just team teaching at first to get more experience in front of people. Because I NEED that. People scare me LOL.

Defeated. Down...but not out yet...

Video results are in and they are making me retape. I rocked the Choreogrpahy and apparently did great on the Coaching. But they killed me on technique, enough that even with a 2/3 its not enough to get fully certified yet. Technique that was labeled as a strength in initial training.

And while I hate to complain too much and I don't like to criticize, I attended a taping not too long ago where I was about 95% certain there would need to be a retape but the girl passed. Her choreography/timing was off and her technique needed work. At least from what I could tell. And she had not, and still has not, gained the approval to be on stage to teach yet (meanwhile, I had that approval before the alleged policy change reversed that...but anyway...).  But no, she passed her video first try. And I was not good enough.  And now it's in my head...I am worse than THAT? I have no chance...

I can't submit a new video for at least 2 weeks. So, in 2 weeks I will retape and resubmit. I will practice until then, focusing on what exactly they thing I screwed up on and I will pray the second taping goes well.

Until then...more stress! more doubt. more worry.
Like I have the time and strength for all that.

The Waiting Game...

So, I did my taping for Body Combat assessment on Saturday. According to those in attendance (which included 3 certified instructors), it went great and I was encouraged to submit the video. So I did. I submitted Sunday morning and now...I wait. They say I should hear in 2 weeks. It is day 2 and I am SO NOT GOOD AT WAITING!! I want to know NOW!

I can get 1 of 2 outcomes...I can pass with a 2/3 or 3/3 and become fully certified OR I can get a 1/3 and be asked to do another taping and submit it, focusing on whatever the assessor claims my flaws are. The 3 categories are Choreography, Technique and Coaching. While I know I will get at least 1/3 because my choreography was about 1/2 beat away from spotless (I was called the Choreography Queen in training lol), I worry about the other 2. Did I do it right? Did I rotate my hip/arm/shoulder enough? Did I retract my leg enough? Did I remember to get the Layer 1 and 2 cues/coaching out? (I know I had soooooo much scripted out and going thru my head, but I did not get it all out....but did I get the right things out at the right time??). I mean, Choreography and Technique were both marked as strengths for me in training, but that was just presenting 1 track and shadowing 1 track. There are 10 tracks in a class. And while they mainly grade on 10 compulsory moves (5 of which were present in my presenting track so I know I should do fine on those 5 moves. And really, there are 9 compulsory moves in this release, as there are no blocks. You must achieve 70% competency in technique to pass that part of the video), what will they think about the non-compulsory moves I know I don't have 100%? I know I don't go low low on lunges...my feet don't always allow it. My back cramped up so my push-ups were mainly tabletop and not standard, will that be a black mark even tho push-ups are not compulsory moves?  You have to show "competency" in coaching, getting in Layer 1 and Layer 2 cues. Did I get enough out? What did I miss? My brain is going in sooooooo many directions. 

I am not sure I can wait 12 more days to see my assessment outcome. I am anxious yet scared. I REALLY do NOT want a re-do on this LOL!

Tick tock, tick tock....

My Body Combat Journey, part 1

Hot dang! Did not realize it has been close to 3 years since I actually wrote anything here. Huh. Life.

So...lets' start over, shall we? LOL

Lots has happened since 2013. Lots of loss, lots of gain, lots of stress, lots of fun.

But a big thing....LOTS of stepping wayyyyyyy out of my comfort zone!
Ok, not LOTS. But one BIG thing.
After being prodded gently...with a big ol'pitchfork!...by a couple of people I know from the gym, I finally took the plunge and attended initial training to become a Les Mills Body Combat instructor.

I have been taking the class since May 2011.  I LOVE the class. It is FUN. I look forward to the new releases. I look forward to class every day (ok, just 5 days a week lol).  I have bonded with a few instructors, who are the ones who prodded me to do this. For crying out loud, hubby and I coughed up the cash and attended the Les Mills OneLIVE mega-quarterly in Chicago last August (and we hope to do it again some day!).  But...Me...a group fitness instructor. HA! Me, in front of people, guiding them thru a 1 hour fitness class?? HAHAHA. A fat girl teaching a group exercise class?  Preposterous!!
But....I am.

Or, rather, I hope to be.  While I passed the initial training module with flying colors and much love from the trainer, there is 1 more step I need to complete.
Filming myself teaching an actual class.
WHAT?!?!
Yeah...I have to film it and submit it and get graded on it and all. This part makes me much more nervous than the initial training did!

Body Combat is a 55 minute mixed martial arts inspired workout. Moved from Karate, Tae Kwan Do, Capoiera, Muay Thai, Kickboxing and Boxing. Plus a little core conditioning. (well, a lot if you take into account they say you can get the effects of up to 1700 crunches per class!). A new "release" with nrw music and choreography comes around (usually called a "launch") every 3 months or so. Gyms generally keep the release for 4 weeks and then the instructors are free to mix up tracks from different releases or just teach full releases from the past until the next launch comes.
You can check out more at lesmills.com if you are interested.

Initial training is 2 days. 2 full days of doing the class several times, learning proper technique, learning how to coach, learning how to learn each release. Presenting the one track you are assigned to learn forwards, backwards and sideways 3 times and improving each time. 2 full days of mental and physical exhaustion.
But it was FUN. Seriously. It was.

After you pass that training, you go home and practice at your home gym. The general plan is to team teach the release you are trained on so you gain practice coaching (getting the cues out for the moves, coaching the moves, etc) and confidence in front of a crowd. Then, you tape yourself teaching a whole class and submit it for assessment. Sounds easy, huh?

Except in my case, a wrench was throw in. I had auditioned and got the OK to shadow until the launch of my training release and then team teach when my training release was launched. Good feedback from the group fitness manager after my audition. YAY!
BUT....then all of a sudden a "new policy" was enacted that yanked that rug out from under me. No team teaching, no practice in front of people, no being on stage until you are fully certified.  Allegedly, "liability issues" were cited, even tho NOTHING had changed. (except maybe a fat girl actually passing training and trying to become an instructor! hmmmmm).
SOOO...I have been on my own. I am fine with the choreography and most of the technique. But the coaching aspect?  That's gonna get me.  I have been allowed to "shadow" next to the stage facing the class so I can work on my right-is-left-and-left-is-right (since on stage, the class mirrors you so you say right but you are actually using your left, and vice versa) so I have had my husband in front of me so I can spit out my coaching for him to hear and assess. But that's hard because I am distracted my the actual instructor's voice and I don't get everything I want to get out, out. Not conducive to practice! LOL But, that's what I have to work with. That and listening to the music and doing the coaching while cooking dinner hahaha. I must be a real sight in the kitchen!

So here I sit...my taping is set for 48 hours from now and I am PETRIFIED. I know its only going to get worse over the next 48 hours!

And my getting this out? NOT HELPING!! HAHAHA. But there, I said it. I am nervous as all hell! How will I feel on Saturday afternoon?!?!?!

But, one day soon...instead of being a participant, I can be an actual instructor. Motivating people. Coahing folks thru a fun workout, one that they will want to come back and do over and over. Even if it is JUST for fun!
Working out is not always about weight loss (as I am so painfully aware, not having lost an ounce in the last 2 years after having success and losing overall about 70-80lbs since 2004), but just about movement and activity. Getting off the couch for a while and stretching your muscles. But, if you don't have fun, you wont want to continue. So...why not find something you enjoy, no matter what it is?? This is my FUN.

(photo from OneLIVE in August. Ignore the socked feet, we had to get in line early to get a good spot up front for the class, and my feet needed to breather while we were waiting LOL. this was the final workout on a day filled with them!)

I could be a convincing instructor, right?? :)

First 5k run...done!

I set 1 New Year's Resolution this year:  to participate in a 5k run.  Seems fairly painless, and one that can be "one and done."  Not like "I am going to stop smoking" where one stops for a week and starts again, and has to keep trying as they cycle keeps repeating itself.  Not like "I am going to lose 20 pounds" and then they end up becoming so frustrated that they gain 10 pounds and have even more work to do.  Those things usually end in frustration and failure.  I am tired of being frustrated (this whole "i am working out like a madman and eating fairly well but still not losing weight" thing is really pissing me off! lol) so I chose something I knew I could do.  I did not set a time goal or anything, just "to do a 5k in 2013."  Easy.  No expectations.  Just...do it!

I started the Couch to 5k program.  Again.  It was the 3rd start for me.  The first time, I gave up.  The second time, I injured my foot in such a way I could not run comfortably.  The third time was a charm, and I finished the program.  On the treadmill.  Making the move outside, however, I almost felt like I had to start over!  The air, especially when it was chilly...the pavement vs the treadmill belt...all different.  I had tried some outside jogging last summer and the heat and humidity got to me a couple times.  But, 5k runs are always outside so I had to give it another go.

I found a 5k close to home.  One where I could actually go run the course first to see how I would hold up.  I did ok, "posting" a time of 41:25 according to the Map My Run app on my phone. That course has a big incline at the beginning, and a smaller one around the 1 mile mark.  Inclines are not my friends!  So the time was definitely a surprise to me.  Unfortunately, either during that run, during Body Flow after the run or during Body Combat class the next day, I did something to my foot.  Not sure what, but it was a little uncomfortable and slightly swollen (second toe, mainly).  However, I carried on.  I have no time to rest!  The following week, I stuck to running the 3+ miles on the track at the school here by our house.  Fairly flat run. Did that in a hair under 40 minutes.  It is always a combination of jogging and walking, as I just can't jog that full distance as of yet.  The breathing aspect of running is something I am still trying to figure out!  But I was happy with my times so I registered for the 5k.

Sunday was the day.  I got my butt out of bed at 6:45am.  Anyone who knows me knows that NEVER happens, as I am so NOT a morning person!  It was colder than it had been in a while, with temps in the 30s.  Brrr!!  But I got out there and did it.  Ran.  Walked.  Jogged.  In the cold.  And with pollen everywhere.  My throat got raw and scratchy, my nose started running despite my remembering to take my Allegra and my foot is still a little uncomfortable as well.  But, all combined, it got me an official "chip time" of 40:44.  It was a small race, and I still did not come in last.  Officially, 97th out of 115 runners who finished, with a handful who did not finish according to the official stats. (and, BTW, the winner finished in under 16 minutes.  GEEZ! LOL.)  BUT...I DID it.  I FINISHED it.  I mean, I could always walk.  I could walk to the ends of the earth.  But run? jog?  HA.  Not until now.  Still a lot of work to do.  And....to be quite honest about it...I am not loving running.  But I am doing it anyway.  To show that I can.  To show that anyone can!  Maybe, just maybe I am not meant to lose anymore weight.  The lack of loss has been so frustrating to me.  But I keep going.  And so I wonder if maybe, instead of losing weight, maybe other folks like me will see me and think "hey if she can do it, so can I!"  Maybe be somebody's inspiration to start, or keep doing whatever they are doing.  That goes for the running/jogging/walking, as well as the BodyCombat and Cxworx classes I do at the gym and also the weightlifting circuit I do as well.  You don't have t be skinny to enjoy exercise or do it well.  And while I don't enjoy running, I certainly do enjoy the other things I do.  And maybe as I do it more, running will grow on me, especially if I can figure out the whole breathing thing.

Eyeballing another 5k to do, possibly in a week and a half.  Actually, in truth, eyeballing 3 of them.  3 weeks in a row.  May 5, 12 and 19.  We'll see!!

Maybe next year's resolution will be to participate in a 10k.  LOL.  But that is a LONG way off!!