Last weekend was my 20 year high school reunion. I was all like...20 years? WTH? Have I been asleep all that time? HOW could 20 years pass? But alas, it did. I found it funny the way I found out about it: hubby and I were watching an episode of "Cold Case" that revolved around a 10 year reunion. My class did not have one but hubby's did and we went and had a decent time. That made me realize my 20th was coming and he asked if I would go if they had one. I said sure, why not but I was not expecting it because there was no 10th. NO LIE, folks, not 10 minutes later as the eppy was ending I saw someone post the link to the reunion info LOL. I checked it out and figured we could go. It is only a 4 hour drive to Pittsburgh plus it was the week after my daughter's birthday so we could do something with her as a real adult. And so we did. Had a night out Friday night and a luncheon on Saturday and actually had a good time. I saw folks I had not seen since graduation day. And, truth be told, I was shocked that everyone who showed up actually remembered me! Though some did not recall I had a kid between junior and senior years. That's ok tho LOL. A lot of us commented on how so many of us looked the same. THEN...at the lunch, someone busted out the yearbooks. Our memories must have been clouded by all the hairspray we used in high school! LOL. Oh, the HAIR! I swear, our parents should have held stock in AquaNet! And things we forgot about until someone mentioned them. It was nice.
There were folks that did not come who i wish would have. A couple folks I have kept in touch with at some time in the last 20 years and it was great to see them again. The folks I have not seen or heard from in all these years? Still had a great time chatting and catching up. Meeting the hubbies. Seeing photos of the kidlets. Showing off my own, of course! Our class was only about 120-125 and of those I think I saw 25-30 folks between events. With Facebook, maybe more of us can keep in touch every so often.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Burnout?
I wonder if I have found the root to my problems...my irritability, crankiness, soreness, tiredness...all of it. I think I am burnt out. I go to the gym or do some other activity all the time and I am not seeing the results I want to or think I should see. Spending 6 days a week at the gym, sometimes 2x a day, apparently was not enough right? So what do I do? add more stuff! And nothing changes. And folks say "it is OK to take a break" but in my mind, taking a break=failure. Even though I already feel like I have failed, I'd feel like a quitter on top of it. So I keep pushing. But is it really worth it? To be cranky all the time, to be so easily driven to tears over the littlest things, to be so snippy with my kids and even my husband? Why do I keep killing myself at my own expense as well as others? I added this whole running (well, walk/jog) thing in to my routine and I am SORE. I am TIRED. I don't feel I am getting any better at it. I'd like to run a 5k someday, but a 5k in 44 minutes it really stinky. Yeah it has only been 2 1/2 weeks with the running thing. I am still unsure about it. But I keep pushing it. My knees, hips, back all are screaming at me. But I am ignoring them. Why? I have NO idea. Apparently, I have issues LOL. I guess having to cart everyone here, there and everywhere all thru the winter and spring was not my main problem after all, or else I would feel better by now! Its not them, its me. Some of the time anyway!
We have a long weekend away coming up. Maybe it is coming at the right time. Then we have a week away shortly after. Again, probably coming at the right time. I won't completely take off from working out, but maybe I will take it at a more relaxed pace. I know I need to unwind, to mellow out. I am sure my family would agree. Maybe a more relaxed schedule will help out. i guess we will see....
We have a long weekend away coming up. Maybe it is coming at the right time. Then we have a week away shortly after. Again, probably coming at the right time. I won't completely take off from working out, but maybe I will take it at a more relaxed pace. I know I need to unwind, to mellow out. I am sure my family would agree. Maybe a more relaxed schedule will help out. i guess we will see....
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Catching up...
It has been a while. A long while. A busy while. Once March hit these parts, our schedule blew up with activities and kids needs to be here, there and everywhere. Crazy!!
We had our first foray into high school sports, which was very eye-opening. AJ made the JV softball team...and languished on the bench while other, less skilled players saw a bulk of the playing time. Sour grapes? Heck no. We watched girls strike out looking at perfect pitches, girls doing half-assed jobs of fielding batted balls and a head coach who barely knew her ass from third base. What we noticed? The girls whose parents had their noses up the coach's ass were the ones who saw all the playing time, regardless of skill. AJ stuck it out, she played thru injury and illness and did not let things get to her too much. She did toss around the idea of going back to house league, but she would not be challenged enough there. Next year, there will be at least 6 spots open on Varsity so hopefully she can shag one of those. That would make her happy.
Noah played baseball again, this year a combination of coach pitch and player pitch. He did well, getting most of his hits surprisingly off of the player pitching. He led the team in stolen bases (can only steal during the player pitch innings). Batted .300 after a rocky start and was patient enough for a .481 on base percentage. This was the first set of teammates in any sport that he has played so far that, for the most part, did not take advantage of him and the fact he can be provoked very easily. He did not mind going to practice because he had fun. Noah can break down very easily, and I think I figured out that he gets that from me. Ack!! He still has his moments but this group of boys did not take advantage of that just to see him cry. I appreciated that so much!!
Nick gave up baseball 2 years ago, but this year he took on the job of umpiring. He got paid for it, which thrilled him to no end of course! He also was invited to play on an AAU Basketball team by his coach from winter house league. A WAY more physical, competitive league of basketball. But he was up for the challenge and did well. he did not get as much playing time as he would have liked, but that happens in more competitive leagues where playing time is not determined by rules but by needs. He made the most of his time on the court and said he would do it again if given the opportunity. We'll see if it ever comes up again!
Now...we are FREE. Until the 1st week of August. No pressing engagements. We have a couple road trips planned. That is about it. Once August 6th gets here, our free time is toast cuz that is when football starts and that is practice 5 nights a week until school starts. This will be Nick's last year in house league ::sniffle::: But lets not rush it!! :)
Personally, it has been up and down for me. I know I posted before about my gym schedule and my attempts to lose some weight. Its been a ride. I have not lost as much as I had hoped or as much as I figured I should have given my workouts and eating habits. That is discouraging. I have lost about 11lbs since Valentine's day (about 17 weeks or so), and have gone down 1 more size. I have not been a size 16 since...sheesh...I really can not tell you when. Middle school?? Maybe Freshman year??? That is great, I know, but also a workout on the wallet LOL. At least with shorts and pants, if I have a belt I can wear them longer. But with tops...I sure can't wear them if I am falling out of them! Great but sad, especially when i had to ditch some tops I was quite fond of. But part of me still feels that I have been a failure since all of my free time is spent at the gym and I am, for the most part, watching what I am eating. I mean sure, we have cheat days...all the so-called experts day you should do that, or at the very least do not deny your cravings all the time. And usually cheat days occur on a day with a heavier workout load anyway. The scale shows change, my clothes show change...but *I* am having the problem, When I look in the mirror, I see the same girl who was staring back at me 80+lbs ago. My eyes see no change. It kinda gives me a new glimpse and understanding on how anorexics and bulimics see themselves as still fat even when their bones are showing. Folks tell me they see changes, that I look good, but I get to be at a loss for words because *I* do not see it. At all. I still see the same person I have been looking at for years and years. And so my next step is to figure out how to change that. Where to begin, I have NO idea.
I have started on a new adventure of sorts...attempting to work up to running a 5k. I tried the Couch to 5k program in the past, but got to week 7 and quit because I could not run 25 minutes in a row. So I did more reading and started up again, this time with a self-made program. 5k is about 3.1 miles, and I have been walk/jogging that in 42-45 minutes. (just hit my personal best of 42:40 this week). 5 minutes warm up, then 3 minutes of running/2 minutes of walking until I hit those 3.1 miles. All of this on a treadmill, so I can control my speed and such. yesterday, I made my first attempt to do this outside while Nick was in karate class, lapping the building where the karate studio is and the one behind it about 7 times. I had been told 1 lap was about 1/2 mile but I mapped it after we got home last night and its only about .4 miles. So I only did about 2.8 miles in 39 minutes. not quite 3 miles. but the whole outside thing? Different! My body hurts from the impact, my throat hurt for hours from the breathing. But I will try it again. Eventually. LOL. Finding time to "run", in addition to the time I already spend at the gym...that can prove to be a challenge. But I am trying!
I don't have many friends. I am not sure why that it, but that has been the case for my entire life. I have survived. Recently, I had someone who was a friend basically dump me, claiming I was too negative. Well...gee...if I can't vent to friends about stuff, who CAN I vent to? And seriously, I don't do it a lot. And I have not said much about most things that make me sad or mad or upset. Most of the time I feel any issues I have pale in comparison to what some others are going through, so I keep my mouth shut. But I saw where folks who were friends having fun and get-togethers and leaving me out in the cold. It made me sad. I commented on it. And it got me dumped. Any close friend that I have had in my life has pretty much dumped on me, from childhood all the way up till now. I always imagined there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Too fat, too white, too ugly, too stupid, too smart...who knows. Maybe I am just better suited to keep to myself. I have 4 kids who are older than the kids most folks my age have. I have a husband who I like to spend time with, not necessarily escape from. I like to watch football and baseball and really don;t adore shopping. I have decided that I guess I need to just be happy with that and not try and be somebody I am not. Here I am, take me or leave me. Any takers?? LOL
My oldest turned 21 today. It seems like this time has flown right on by. I can't believe my daughter is old enough to go out drinking with me!! My 20th HS reunion is next weekend and shoot, she could come out to happy hour with us LOL. Scary thought! These kids, they grow up wayyyyyy too fast. WAY too fast.
We had our first foray into high school sports, which was very eye-opening. AJ made the JV softball team...and languished on the bench while other, less skilled players saw a bulk of the playing time. Sour grapes? Heck no. We watched girls strike out looking at perfect pitches, girls doing half-assed jobs of fielding batted balls and a head coach who barely knew her ass from third base. What we noticed? The girls whose parents had their noses up the coach's ass were the ones who saw all the playing time, regardless of skill. AJ stuck it out, she played thru injury and illness and did not let things get to her too much. She did toss around the idea of going back to house league, but she would not be challenged enough there. Next year, there will be at least 6 spots open on Varsity so hopefully she can shag one of those. That would make her happy.
Noah played baseball again, this year a combination of coach pitch and player pitch. He did well, getting most of his hits surprisingly off of the player pitching. He led the team in stolen bases (can only steal during the player pitch innings). Batted .300 after a rocky start and was patient enough for a .481 on base percentage. This was the first set of teammates in any sport that he has played so far that, for the most part, did not take advantage of him and the fact he can be provoked very easily. He did not mind going to practice because he had fun. Noah can break down very easily, and I think I figured out that he gets that from me. Ack!! He still has his moments but this group of boys did not take advantage of that just to see him cry. I appreciated that so much!!
Nick gave up baseball 2 years ago, but this year he took on the job of umpiring. He got paid for it, which thrilled him to no end of course! He also was invited to play on an AAU Basketball team by his coach from winter house league. A WAY more physical, competitive league of basketball. But he was up for the challenge and did well. he did not get as much playing time as he would have liked, but that happens in more competitive leagues where playing time is not determined by rules but by needs. He made the most of his time on the court and said he would do it again if given the opportunity. We'll see if it ever comes up again!
Now...we are FREE. Until the 1st week of August. No pressing engagements. We have a couple road trips planned. That is about it. Once August 6th gets here, our free time is toast cuz that is when football starts and that is practice 5 nights a week until school starts. This will be Nick's last year in house league ::sniffle::: But lets not rush it!! :)
Personally, it has been up and down for me. I know I posted before about my gym schedule and my attempts to lose some weight. Its been a ride. I have not lost as much as I had hoped or as much as I figured I should have given my workouts and eating habits. That is discouraging. I have lost about 11lbs since Valentine's day (about 17 weeks or so), and have gone down 1 more size. I have not been a size 16 since...sheesh...I really can not tell you when. Middle school?? Maybe Freshman year??? That is great, I know, but also a workout on the wallet LOL. At least with shorts and pants, if I have a belt I can wear them longer. But with tops...I sure can't wear them if I am falling out of them! Great but sad, especially when i had to ditch some tops I was quite fond of. But part of me still feels that I have been a failure since all of my free time is spent at the gym and I am, for the most part, watching what I am eating. I mean sure, we have cheat days...all the so-called experts day you should do that, or at the very least do not deny your cravings all the time. And usually cheat days occur on a day with a heavier workout load anyway. The scale shows change, my clothes show change...but *I* am having the problem, When I look in the mirror, I see the same girl who was staring back at me 80+lbs ago. My eyes see no change. It kinda gives me a new glimpse and understanding on how anorexics and bulimics see themselves as still fat even when their bones are showing. Folks tell me they see changes, that I look good, but I get to be at a loss for words because *I* do not see it. At all. I still see the same person I have been looking at for years and years. And so my next step is to figure out how to change that. Where to begin, I have NO idea.
I have started on a new adventure of sorts...attempting to work up to running a 5k. I tried the Couch to 5k program in the past, but got to week 7 and quit because I could not run 25 minutes in a row. So I did more reading and started up again, this time with a self-made program. 5k is about 3.1 miles, and I have been walk/jogging that in 42-45 minutes. (just hit my personal best of 42:40 this week). 5 minutes warm up, then 3 minutes of running/2 minutes of walking until I hit those 3.1 miles. All of this on a treadmill, so I can control my speed and such. yesterday, I made my first attempt to do this outside while Nick was in karate class, lapping the building where the karate studio is and the one behind it about 7 times. I had been told 1 lap was about 1/2 mile but I mapped it after we got home last night and its only about .4 miles. So I only did about 2.8 miles in 39 minutes. not quite 3 miles. but the whole outside thing? Different! My body hurts from the impact, my throat hurt for hours from the breathing. But I will try it again. Eventually. LOL. Finding time to "run", in addition to the time I already spend at the gym...that can prove to be a challenge. But I am trying!
I don't have many friends. I am not sure why that it, but that has been the case for my entire life. I have survived. Recently, I had someone who was a friend basically dump me, claiming I was too negative. Well...gee...if I can't vent to friends about stuff, who CAN I vent to? And seriously, I don't do it a lot. And I have not said much about most things that make me sad or mad or upset. Most of the time I feel any issues I have pale in comparison to what some others are going through, so I keep my mouth shut. But I saw where folks who were friends having fun and get-togethers and leaving me out in the cold. It made me sad. I commented on it. And it got me dumped. Any close friend that I have had in my life has pretty much dumped on me, from childhood all the way up till now. I always imagined there is something fundamentally wrong with me. Too fat, too white, too ugly, too stupid, too smart...who knows. Maybe I am just better suited to keep to myself. I have 4 kids who are older than the kids most folks my age have. I have a husband who I like to spend time with, not necessarily escape from. I like to watch football and baseball and really don;t adore shopping. I have decided that I guess I need to just be happy with that and not try and be somebody I am not. Here I am, take me or leave me. Any takers?? LOL
My oldest turned 21 today. It seems like this time has flown right on by. I can't believe my daughter is old enough to go out drinking with me!! My 20th HS reunion is next weekend and shoot, she could come out to happy hour with us LOL. Scary thought! These kids, they grow up wayyyyyy too fast. WAY too fast.
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