My Body Combat Journey, part 1

Hot dang! Did not realize it has been close to 3 years since I actually wrote anything here. Huh. Life.

So...lets' start over, shall we? LOL

Lots has happened since 2013. Lots of loss, lots of gain, lots of stress, lots of fun.

But a big thing....LOTS of stepping wayyyyyyy out of my comfort zone!
Ok, not LOTS. But one BIG thing.
After being prodded gently...with a big ol'pitchfork!...by a couple of people I know from the gym, I finally took the plunge and attended initial training to become a Les Mills Body Combat instructor.

I have been taking the class since May 2011.  I LOVE the class. It is FUN. I look forward to the new releases. I look forward to class every day (ok, just 5 days a week lol).  I have bonded with a few instructors, who are the ones who prodded me to do this. For crying out loud, hubby and I coughed up the cash and attended the Les Mills OneLIVE mega-quarterly in Chicago last August (and we hope to do it again some day!).  But...Me...a group fitness instructor. HA! Me, in front of people, guiding them thru a 1 hour fitness class?? HAHAHA. A fat girl teaching a group exercise class?  Preposterous!!
But....I am.

Or, rather, I hope to be.  While I passed the initial training module with flying colors and much love from the trainer, there is 1 more step I need to complete.
Filming myself teaching an actual class.
WHAT?!?!
Yeah...I have to film it and submit it and get graded on it and all. This part makes me much more nervous than the initial training did!

Body Combat is a 55 minute mixed martial arts inspired workout. Moved from Karate, Tae Kwan Do, Capoiera, Muay Thai, Kickboxing and Boxing. Plus a little core conditioning. (well, a lot if you take into account they say you can get the effects of up to 1700 crunches per class!). A new "release" with nrw music and choreography comes around (usually called a "launch") every 3 months or so. Gyms generally keep the release for 4 weeks and then the instructors are free to mix up tracks from different releases or just teach full releases from the past until the next launch comes.
You can check out more at lesmills.com if you are interested.

Initial training is 2 days. 2 full days of doing the class several times, learning proper technique, learning how to coach, learning how to learn each release. Presenting the one track you are assigned to learn forwards, backwards and sideways 3 times and improving each time. 2 full days of mental and physical exhaustion.
But it was FUN. Seriously. It was.

After you pass that training, you go home and practice at your home gym. The general plan is to team teach the release you are trained on so you gain practice coaching (getting the cues out for the moves, coaching the moves, etc) and confidence in front of a crowd. Then, you tape yourself teaching a whole class and submit it for assessment. Sounds easy, huh?

Except in my case, a wrench was throw in. I had auditioned and got the OK to shadow until the launch of my training release and then team teach when my training release was launched. Good feedback from the group fitness manager after my audition. YAY!
BUT....then all of a sudden a "new policy" was enacted that yanked that rug out from under me. No team teaching, no practice in front of people, no being on stage until you are fully certified.  Allegedly, "liability issues" were cited, even tho NOTHING had changed. (except maybe a fat girl actually passing training and trying to become an instructor! hmmmmm).
SOOO...I have been on my own. I am fine with the choreography and most of the technique. But the coaching aspect?  That's gonna get me.  I have been allowed to "shadow" next to the stage facing the class so I can work on my right-is-left-and-left-is-right (since on stage, the class mirrors you so you say right but you are actually using your left, and vice versa) so I have had my husband in front of me so I can spit out my coaching for him to hear and assess. But that's hard because I am distracted my the actual instructor's voice and I don't get everything I want to get out, out. Not conducive to practice! LOL But, that's what I have to work with. That and listening to the music and doing the coaching while cooking dinner hahaha. I must be a real sight in the kitchen!

So here I sit...my taping is set for 48 hours from now and I am PETRIFIED. I know its only going to get worse over the next 48 hours!

And my getting this out? NOT HELPING!! HAHAHA. But there, I said it. I am nervous as all hell! How will I feel on Saturday afternoon?!?!?!

But, one day soon...instead of being a participant, I can be an actual instructor. Motivating people. Coahing folks thru a fun workout, one that they will want to come back and do over and over. Even if it is JUST for fun!
Working out is not always about weight loss (as I am so painfully aware, not having lost an ounce in the last 2 years after having success and losing overall about 70-80lbs since 2004), but just about movement and activity. Getting off the couch for a while and stretching your muscles. But, if you don't have fun, you wont want to continue. So...why not find something you enjoy, no matter what it is?? This is my FUN.

(photo from OneLIVE in August. Ignore the socked feet, we had to get in line early to get a good spot up front for the class, and my feet needed to breather while we were waiting LOL. this was the final workout on a day filled with them!)

I could be a convincing instructor, right?? :)

First 5k run...done!

I set 1 New Year's Resolution this year:  to participate in a 5k run.  Seems fairly painless, and one that can be "one and done."  Not like "I am going to stop smoking" where one stops for a week and starts again, and has to keep trying as they cycle keeps repeating itself.  Not like "I am going to lose 20 pounds" and then they end up becoming so frustrated that they gain 10 pounds and have even more work to do.  Those things usually end in frustration and failure.  I am tired of being frustrated (this whole "i am working out like a madman and eating fairly well but still not losing weight" thing is really pissing me off! lol) so I chose something I knew I could do.  I did not set a time goal or anything, just "to do a 5k in 2013."  Easy.  No expectations.  Just...do it!

I started the Couch to 5k program.  Again.  It was the 3rd start for me.  The first time, I gave up.  The second time, I injured my foot in such a way I could not run comfortably.  The third time was a charm, and I finished the program.  On the treadmill.  Making the move outside, however, I almost felt like I had to start over!  The air, especially when it was chilly...the pavement vs the treadmill belt...all different.  I had tried some outside jogging last summer and the heat and humidity got to me a couple times.  But, 5k runs are always outside so I had to give it another go.

I found a 5k close to home.  One where I could actually go run the course first to see how I would hold up.  I did ok, "posting" a time of 41:25 according to the Map My Run app on my phone. That course has a big incline at the beginning, and a smaller one around the 1 mile mark.  Inclines are not my friends!  So the time was definitely a surprise to me.  Unfortunately, either during that run, during Body Flow after the run or during Body Combat class the next day, I did something to my foot.  Not sure what, but it was a little uncomfortable and slightly swollen (second toe, mainly).  However, I carried on.  I have no time to rest!  The following week, I stuck to running the 3+ miles on the track at the school here by our house.  Fairly flat run. Did that in a hair under 40 minutes.  It is always a combination of jogging and walking, as I just can't jog that full distance as of yet.  The breathing aspect of running is something I am still trying to figure out!  But I was happy with my times so I registered for the 5k.

Sunday was the day.  I got my butt out of bed at 6:45am.  Anyone who knows me knows that NEVER happens, as I am so NOT a morning person!  It was colder than it had been in a while, with temps in the 30s.  Brrr!!  But I got out there and did it.  Ran.  Walked.  Jogged.  In the cold.  And with pollen everywhere.  My throat got raw and scratchy, my nose started running despite my remembering to take my Allegra and my foot is still a little uncomfortable as well.  But, all combined, it got me an official "chip time" of 40:44.  It was a small race, and I still did not come in last.  Officially, 97th out of 115 runners who finished, with a handful who did not finish according to the official stats. (and, BTW, the winner finished in under 16 minutes.  GEEZ! LOL.)  BUT...I DID it.  I FINISHED it.  I mean, I could always walk.  I could walk to the ends of the earth.  But run? jog?  HA.  Not until now.  Still a lot of work to do.  And....to be quite honest about it...I am not loving running.  But I am doing it anyway.  To show that I can.  To show that anyone can!  Maybe, just maybe I am not meant to lose anymore weight.  The lack of loss has been so frustrating to me.  But I keep going.  And so I wonder if maybe, instead of losing weight, maybe other folks like me will see me and think "hey if she can do it, so can I!"  Maybe be somebody's inspiration to start, or keep doing whatever they are doing.  That goes for the running/jogging/walking, as well as the BodyCombat and Cxworx classes I do at the gym and also the weightlifting circuit I do as well.  You don't have t be skinny to enjoy exercise or do it well.  And while I don't enjoy running, I certainly do enjoy the other things I do.  And maybe as I do it more, running will grow on me, especially if I can figure out the whole breathing thing.

Eyeballing another 5k to do, possibly in a week and a half.  Actually, in truth, eyeballing 3 of them.  3 weeks in a row.  May 5, 12 and 19.  We'll see!!

Maybe next year's resolution will be to participate in a 10k.  LOL.  But that is a LONG way off!!

Bullying..

So the last 4 weeks have been kind of a cluster, so to speak, around here.  Our family vehicle started making a wonderful noise.  Hubby looked at it, thought he knew what it was and so we took it in to be fixed.  Alas, what we thought was wrong was NOT wrong...it was a MUCH bigger problem.  A $7k+ problem.  The transmission was a ticking timebomb and, in that particular vehicle, the transmission apparently can NOT be rebuilt or anything, it MUST be purchased from Ford.  UGH.  AND...upon further review, it is common for this type of tranny to die at the 62-65k mile mark.  I guess we were lucky to make it 67k.  But alas, the fix was so very pricey and, hell, the same problem would likely pop up again.  So, we traded it in (yup, got some trade value for it despite the problem!) for something newer (and our mechanic suggested we do this, did NOT push the fix on us like some would!).  Not brand new, but a 2011 model so about 2 years old.  More room to accommodate my son's lengthening legs, among other things. 

But oh if that were only the least of our worries...

Which brings me to a subject that tends to get a lot of airtime these days...bullying.  We see so many stories on TV about kids who kill themselves after being bullied yet NOTHING is really being done to address or rectify the problem.  I mean, I always told my kids if they acted like that I would personally kick their asses.  But not all parents do that...not all parents give a damn what their kids do...not all parents teach their kids to respect others and treat others the way they wish to be treated themselves.  Some parents coddle their kids and feel they can do no wrong so whatever is going on HAS to be the fault of the other person/people involved.

My 15 y/o has been the target of bullies.  For years.  All verbal, nothing physical aside form one incident (which happened 2 years ago, but we were just made aware of last week).  It has been reported to the school.  Actions taken include seating arrangements on the bus (where a majority of the bullying occurs), talking-to by administration and one boy actually did get suspended for a few days last year for one particular infraction.  Unfortunately, these actions have done nothing to sway the bullies...to get them to stop tormenting my child.  While we were aware of some things, my daughter did not tell us 100% of what was going on, as she was trying to deal with it herself.  Unfortunately, it all built up inside her and she very nearly became the next human interest story on the 6:00 news.  One evening when we were out and about getting the boys to and from football practices, she took the opportunity she had being home alone and decided to take a bunch of benadryl to end her torment.  Fortunately for everyone, she began to regret what she did, got scared and called 911 herself.  She spent 2 nights in the hospital and a week in a mental health hospital being evaluated and counseled.  And she will continue counseling for the foreseeable future.  Even though these bullies...all boys, mind you....were "only" spewing words, those words took their toll.  Name calling, poking fun at, rumor spreading.  Some kids can shrug it off.  I know I did.  But my daughter's psyche is a lot more fragile.  It got to her.  The fact they were lectured and some of them punished and they still did not stop got to her.  The fact one of the ring leaders got suspended and it did not stop.  The fact that they think she "ruined their day" (their words to her) because she gave administration their names pissed them off.  Her inner pillar of strength just crumbled, as if it were blown up with a large stick of dynamite.  And she felt she was done.  These boys were talked to yet again yesterday, and today they STILL insisted on tormenting her.  I do not have what it takes to homeschool a high school student and my daughter says, right now anyway, she would not want to switch schools because she does have friends and a support system at her current school.  A lot of the problems arise on the bus, so the next thought is to remove her from the bus.  But then to that I say...why should SHE have to be inconvenienced because of a bunch of boys that can't behave themselves and act normally?  So MY suggestion will be take the offenders off the bus.  Riding the bus is not a right, it is a privilege.  I think in the near future it will be time to meet with the parents, make them aware of what is going on then kick their asses off the bus unless and until they can control themselves.  And also let them know that if anything....ANYTHING AT ALL...happens to my kid (or, by extension, my house/property, as some of these kids know where we live), those boys get the FIRST look.  (update: this morning, she wanted to take the bus and we let her...she said nobody said a peep to her...won't hold my breath that it will keep up though...we shall see...)

This is something that has to STOP.  And not just here, but EVERYWHERE.  How many more kids out there are like my child?  How many more kids will actually be successful at taking their own life because some jagoff kid feels they have the right to make someone else's life miserable?  How many families will go through heartache because of some else's stupid, selfish, hateful actions? 

I was also bullied.  Made fun of. Whatever.  I was the fat girl.  The white girl.  Didn't have a big house or a nice car.  Did not have the newest $100 sneakers or designer shoes/jeans/purse.  Did have big boobs so obviously I slept with everybody.  I was one of the ones who was able to shrug it off.  But so many kids and teens out there just can't do it.  And they snap. Whether it is taking their own lives or conducting a mass shooting spree at their school.  They snap.  And it is all so very much preventable!!

To all the bullies out there:  People may think words do not hurt, but they DO.  What the hell gives you the right to call that girl a fat ass?  or call that boy a fag?  Who the hell made you so important that you get to dictate who matters and who doesn't??  What the hell gives you the right to make some else's life miserable??  If you are unhappy with yourself, fix it...don't project it on others.  It's not right and it's not fair.  And to the parents of the bullies:  raise your kid right.  Teach them respect.  Take responsibility for creating mature, responsible members of society.  And if you find out your kid is doing something like this, take steps to correct it.  Punish them.  Don't coddle them.  Don't make excuses for them.  Don't be their friend, be their PARENT.

To all parents:  make sure to keep communication open with your kids.  encourage them to come to you with anything and everything.  And even if you think they do, keep digging deeper.  Our daughter told us everything, even the smallest most unimportant thing...but she was keeping something much bigger to herself.  We never knew.  Sometimes, you just won't see it.  But always, always keep trying!  Maybe you will be able to get them to open up.  And maybe that will stop them from doing something drastic later on. 

Ringless....

Just a quickie for today...

Had to finally suck it up and take my wedding rings in to be re sized.  During the last couple Body Combat classes I have done, they were slipping and sliding and I was afraid they would slip right off.  So, off the the jewelers they went today.  Taking them from a size 9 to a size 7.  And looking at my fingers, I don't see them getting any thinner so this should be a one shot deal LOL.  My hand is naked tho.  I have an anniversary band and that fits well on my left hand so I swapped it for the moment...but my right hand is completely naked and I have no rings that fit it.  They are all too big but really not worth resizing as I hardly wear any of them.  So it is odd when I go to fiddle with my ring and it is not there!

On another plus note, I may have nudged the plateau I hit, as the scale now says I am down 2 more lbs.  2 more lbs closer to my next goal.  Hopefully this keeps up!

Summer flies right by..

Here we are, July 31.  Where the heck has the summer gone?  In just 6 days our freedom will be gone, as football practice for the boys starts on Monday and as such we will be out with them every weeknight until school starts. This will be Nick's last year in "house" league...A league, the end of the line...last stop before :::gasp::: high school!!!!!  It brings tears to my eyes, remembering when he first started in this league 6 years ago.  And a little more so because Noah plays on the same C-league team that Nick did when he started out, and this is Noah's last year in C league.  So this will also end our association with that team as well. ::sniffle:::  At the final game in November, I am sure i will need kleenex!! LOL  But this is only July...well, practically August...and I don't want to rush it.  Heck, I do not even want to think about the fact that school starts in 3 1/2 weeks!  ACK!!  A 4th grader, 8th grader and 10th grader.  When did they all get so OLD?!?!?!?!? (not even gonna mention the 21 year old...no wonder my hair is falling out HAHAHA).

We were able to get to NC again this year.  Got the kids to the beach, got to see my family that lives there...my grandmother, aunt, uncle, cousins.  We always have a good time when we go visit.  My niece asked if she could come with us this year, and since we had the extra room the the car I said why not.  All the kids together seemed to have a good time and seemingly did not fight too much.  That was VERY nice LOL.  Then we spent a week in Pittsburgh, as the boys did a Pittsburgh Steelers Youth football camp.  Nick did it last year and had fun, so this year I signed Noah up too.  My uncle also signed up my cousin, so we got to see them as well and hang out with my uncle and aunt while the boys were at camp.  We also visited Kennywood...3 times total this summer, a new record LOL.  Noah was ecstatic that he hit the 52 inch mark, meaning he could ride the final forbidden rides.  Which he did.  A LOT.  I raised a bunch of coaster freaks LOL.  Coasters and thrill rides. 

With football coming, it also is time to retool my evening workouts.  We shall see where the boys practice and that will help determine what we do.  No more Monday kickboxing or Tuesday Body Combat unless practice is rained out.  Should be able to keep the Monday evening walk/jog, especially if Noah practices at the same place as last year, as there is a track around that practice field.  Happily, my mornings will not change.  At least until I get burnt out and need a break!  I think the vacations helped the burn out a bit.  So maybe taking time away here and there is actually a good thing.  When you have an established routine, missing the gym time sometimes makes you feel guilty.  But I have learned that breaks are necessary.  The last break helped me mentally..to the point I briefly thought of adding another workout.  But I said NO...body needs rest in between!  I surely do not need an injury to involuntarily keep me down!  I have not overcome the plateau I hit back around Memorial Day, at least on the scale.  But I have determined that I need to take my wedding rings in to be resized.  They are very loose and at some times of the day probably at risk of falling off.  Mainly when I am sweaty LOL.  But they even slide off easier now when i wash/dry my hands.  drying under them so I don't get irritation...they just slide right off.  my knuckle used to hold them on better.  My fingers are NOT where I would like to lose more weight/volume, dear body!!!!!!  Please divert the weight/fat loss to my mid-section.  I know I won't ever be a 120lb size 4 beauty...but I'd still like to knock off a few more pounds anyway just for...fun...HAHA.  I am probably down about 85-95lbs from my all-time highest weight from about 8+ years ago.  I should be happy with that.  And I am.  But I would still have a long way to go to get to my 'recommended" weight.  A number I do not think I will ever see.  But I keep making small goals on this journey.  And when I hit the goal, then i think about the next one.  I can't think too far ahead, or make impossible goals.  No "I want to lose 50lbs in 6 months" baloney.  Mine are more like "I want to get to ___ lbs" and when i hot that, I figure out how long it took and make the next goal of ___ lbs.  Not in any specific time.  Just would like to get there.  Eventually.  It does not make hitting the plateaus less frustrating, but it makes me less likely to give up altogether because I don't have a DATE, so no pressure to "fit into that dress by Christmas" and thus no freaking out when it does not happen.  At least that is what I keep telling myself!

Somewhere along the line this summer, I lost another alleged friend.  Actually, I know exactly when it happened.  This time with no warning or explanation.  Not only the loss of a friend, but expulsion from a group of other "friends," as if I committed some mortal sin.  I did, I guess...I was just being myself.  Oh well.  While it upset me at first, and then made me mad...now I am just like, bah...whatever!  I sure have no idea why folks decide I am not worthy, but at this point, I am too tired to worry about it.  I suppose I am meant to go thru life with just my family by my side.  I just have several acquaintances now...no real friends, no go-to "girls night out" buddies, nobody local to just escape with.  I guess if I ever fight with Rudy HE will have to be the one to leave and go stay somewhere...probably on a cot in the lab at his office LOL. (just kidding...we have never fought to the extent one of us leaves to cool down for more than an hour or 2!!! we simply do not allow it.  kinda like not going to bed angry....).  Anyway...I have decided I just have to be ME and if folks can't handle it, whatever.  I am not frilly, not girly, don't care much for shopping, makeup, etc., love some sports, can be highly opinionated, very open minded and yes shy and somewhat introverted.  I guess folks can't handle that!

Ok cutting this off now.  Headache...grrr.  :(

20 years...

Last weekend was my 20 year high school reunion.  I was all like...20 years?  WTH?  Have I been asleep all that time?  HOW could 20 years pass? But alas, it did.  I found it funny the way I found out about it:  hubby and I were watching an episode of "Cold Case" that revolved around a 10 year reunion.  My class did not have one but hubby's did and we went and had a decent time.  That made me realize my 20th was coming and he asked if I would go if they had one.  I said sure, why not but I was not expecting it because there was no 10th.  NO LIE, folks, not 10 minutes later as the eppy was ending I saw someone post the link to the reunion info LOL.  I checked it out and figured we could go.  It is only a 4 hour drive to Pittsburgh plus it was the week after my daughter's birthday so we could do something with her as a real adult.  And so we did.  Had a night out Friday night and a luncheon on Saturday and actually had a good time.  I saw folks I had not seen since graduation day.  And, truth be told, I was shocked that everyone who showed up actually remembered me!  Though some did not recall I had a kid between junior and senior years.  That's ok tho LOL.    A lot of us commented on how so many of us looked the same.  THEN...at the lunch, someone busted out the yearbooks.  Our memories must have been clouded by all the hairspray we used in high school! LOL.  Oh, the HAIR!  I swear, our parents should have held stock in AquaNet!  And things we forgot about until someone mentioned them.  It was nice.

There were folks that did not come who i wish would have.  A couple folks I have kept in touch with at some time in the last 20 years and it was great to see them again.  The folks I have not seen or heard from in all these years?  Still had a great time chatting and catching up.  Meeting the hubbies.  Seeing photos of the kidlets.  Showing off my own, of course!  Our class was only about 120-125 and of those I think I saw 25-30 folks between events.  With Facebook, maybe more of us can keep in touch every so often.

Burnout?

I wonder if I have found the root to my problems...my irritability, crankiness, soreness, tiredness...all of it.  I think I am burnt out.  I go to the gym or do some other activity all the time and I am not seeing the results I want to or think I should see.  Spending 6 days a week at the gym, sometimes 2x a day, apparently was not enough right?  So what do I do?  add more stuff!  And nothing changes.  And folks say "it is OK to take a break" but in my mind, taking a break=failure.  Even though I already feel like I have failed, I'd feel like a quitter on top of it.  So I keep pushing.  But is it really worth it?  To be cranky all the time, to be so easily driven to tears over the littlest things, to be so snippy with my kids and even my husband?  Why do I keep killing myself at my own expense as well as others?  I added this whole running (well, walk/jog) thing in to my routine and I am SORE.  I am TIRED.  I don't feel I am getting any better at it.  I'd like to run a 5k someday, but a 5k in 44 minutes it really stinky.  Yeah it has only been 2 1/2 weeks with the running thing.  I am still unsure about it.  But I keep pushing it.  My knees, hips, back all are screaming at me.  But I am ignoring them.  Why?  I have NO idea.  Apparently, I have issues LOL.  I guess having to cart everyone here, there and everywhere all thru the winter and spring was not my main problem after all, or else I would feel better by now!  Its not them, its me.  Some of the time anyway!

We have a long weekend away coming up.  Maybe it is coming at the right time.  Then we have a week away shortly after.  Again, probably coming at the right time.  I won't completely take off from working out, but maybe I will take it at a more relaxed pace.  I know I need to unwind, to mellow out.  I am sure my family would agree.  Maybe a more relaxed schedule will help out.  i guess we will see....